the_gneech: (Default)


How often do you get to see Jeremy Irons shuffle?

-The Gneech
the_gneech: (Party Guy)


-TG
the_gneech: (NIMH Scariest Icon)


Gaaah!

-The Gneech
the_gneech: (Rastan Kill Monsters)

(To the tune of “We Didn’t Start the Fire…” by Billy Joel)


Celedras, Arcangalad

Arshan’s always kinda mad

I haven’t played you for a while

Obsidian kills her foes with style


Maedhroc gives his foes the boot

Elsa’s tough but awfully cute

1E rules are dumb and hard

but they made my super-bard


(Singin’)

Referees don’t get to play much

We get all excited, tho we try to hide it

Referees don’t get to play much

But there’ll be no game, if I’m not DM


Playing Lachwen was a blast

but MMO fun doesn’t last

I don’t wanna spend the cash right now

to play my panda monk in WoW


But oh on tabletop to play again

Or just once for my paladin

The 3E rules were quite a cage

for Theran, my poor fighter-mage


My halfling ranger doesn’t have a name

I’d love to play him all the same


My human ranger had a plot device


but tough luck I suck at rolling dice


Natural 1’s all day!

No foes I’ll slay!


What else do I have to say?


(Singin’)

Referees don’t get to play much

We get all excited, tho we try to hide it

Referees don’t get to play much

But there’ll be no game

If I am not

DM…


(fade)


-The Gneech


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the_gneech: (Obi-Wan Not Good)




You're welcome.

-The Gneech
the_gneech: (Default)


Inkblitzer caught this footage of a game he, Plotline and I played in which Zenyatta crashed the party. It was the best of games, it was the worst of games. My laughing muscles still hurt.


-The Gneech


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the_gneech: (Jeeves Strangle)
I accepted an assignment through a temp agency, which had hours of 8-5, which is pretty standard around here. Unfortunately, [livejournal.com profile] lythandra had some sort of conflicting need, the exact nature of which I've forgotten, that made it such that there was no way for both of us to be somewhere with the car at 8:00. I tried to call both the client and my supervisor at the temp agency to explain my problem, but could not reach either, and ended up getting in half an hour late.

Not a good showing for my first day on an assignment. I apologized profusely to the client, who said it was okay but who gave me "Tsk!"-ish looks all day. For various reasons that probably made sense in context but which I can't remember now, I didn't get home until nearly 10:00 at night, at which point I pulled out the business card of my supervisor at the temp agency and called again, expecting to reach voicemail so I could leave a message.

But no, instead, the supervisor herself answered, sounding groggy and terse. She explained that she had just got back from a trip to Venice and that she was exhausted and what the hell was I doing calling her personal cellphone at 10:00 at night?

Again, I apologized, but I was a bit peeved at this. What the hell was she doing putting her personal cellphone number as the primary contact number on her business card, and then acting like I was the jerk? However, I maintained my professional demeanor and explained that every temp agency I'd worked for in the past wanted a report on the first day of an assignment and particularly one in which something of note (such as being half an hour late) had happened. I then started to explain that due to schedule conflicts and the vagaries of D.C. area traffic–

That's when the music started, and she began singing. No, really!

Her: Caught with a flat? Well, how 'bout that.
Now baby, don't you panic.
But it's not all right
to call me up late at night
I'm not some Satanic mechanic!


Me: "Are you... singing 'Sweet Transvestite' at me?"

Her: "I just got back from Venice, and I don't mean to be a menace
But honey, let this be the end.
If you call me at home
you'll soon be all alone
You're fired if you try it again!"


Me: "...Right. Well very sorry, won't happen again, good night." *click*

Besides boggling at the peculiarity of it all, the main thing I remember is being impressed by the level of pure snark and that she had karaoke music for "Sweet Transvestite" ready to go for just such an occasion.

The next thing I remember was exiting off the freeway straight onto the concrete steps of a large office complex and wondering how that even happened.

And then I woke up.

-The Gneech
the_gneech: (Leonard machismo)
I (almost) singlehandedly assembled three pieces of furniture today. I feel so macho! Now to go eat some steak.

-The Gneech
the_gneech: (Jeeves Very Good)

jeeveswooster


Bertram Wilberforce “Bertie” Wooster


Medium humanoid (human), neutral good

Armor Class 12

Hit Points 9 (2d8)

Speed 30′

Str 10/+0; Dex 14/+2; Con 10/+0; Int 14/+2; Wis 7/-2; Cha 15/+2

Skills Athletics +2, History +4, Performance +4, Persuasion +4, Religion +4

Proficiencies Automobile, Banjolele, Golf Clubs, Piano, Playing Cards, Trombone

Senses passive Perception 8

Languages English, French, Latin

Challenge 1/8 (25 XP)

Noblesse Oblige. Bertie has high social status and a substantial fortune inherited from his Uncle George.

Prompt Action Through Proper Channels. Bertie has advantage on ability checks and saving throws made to avoid or escape grapples.

Shimmy. Bertie has advantage on Athletics checks made to climb up or down drainpipes, knotted sheets, or other improvised climbing tools, or up onto furniture.

The Work of a Moment. Bertie may act on his initiative even when surprised, but only to move and take Dash or Disengage actions.


Actions


Distraction. Bertie attempts to befuddle a creature within 15′ that can comprehend a language he speaks. The creature must make a DC 14 Intelligence save. Success: The creature is unaffected. Failure: The creature becomes Stunned until the beginning of its next turn.


——————

Reginald Jeeves


Medium humanoid (human), lawful good

Armor Class 10

Hit Points 28 (5d8+5)

Speed 30′

Str 12/+1; Dex 10/+0; Con 12/+1; Int 18/+4; Wis 16/+3; Cha 10/+0

Skills Deception +4, History +8, Insight +7, Intimidation +4, Investigation +8, Perception +7, Sleight of Hand +4, Stealth +4

Proficiencies Automobile, Darts, Fishing Tackle, Serving Tray, Sewing Tools

Senses passive Perception 17

Languages English, French, Latin

Challenge 1 (200 XP)

Concoction. Jeeves can brew up to three potions of vitality at will. Jeeves must have a long rest before he can use this ability again.

Discretion. Jeeves can escape notice at will. He may use the Hide action even when in plain sight as long as there is some form of distraction, and has advantage on Sleight of Hand or Stealth checks against members of the upper classes.

The Psychology of the Individual. Jeeves has advantage on a Deception, Insight, or Intimidation check made against a creature who is not a stranger to him. Jeeves must have a long rest before he can use this ability again.

Tact and Resource. By spending 10 minutes to study a problem, Jeeves gains advantage on an Insight, Investigation, or Perception check regarding it. Jeeves must have a long rest before he can use this ability again.


Actions


Kosh. Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach 5′, one creature. Hit: 4 (1d4+1) damage, +18 (5d6) sneak attack damage if applicable, and the target must make a Constitution save with a DC equal to the damage dealt. Failure: The target is Stunned until the end of its next turn. If the target is reduced to 0 hit points by the attack, they are knocked unconscious, rather than killed.

Baffling Snare. Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach 5′, one creature. Hit: The creature is blinded by being wrapped in a coat or other object around its head until the beginning of its next turn and must make a DC 12 Dexterity save. Failure: The creature is blinded and restrained until it succeeds at this saving throw. It can make a new attempt at the end of each of its turns.


-The Gneech


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the_gneech: (Legolas Aaah)
Thin Mints.

ThinMintsThinMintsThinMints.

THIIIIN MIIIIINTS!

Thin Mints.

-The Gneech

PS: Thin Mints.

PPS: Got LotRO up and running on the Mac! Not sure what to do with it, considering how meh it becomes halfway through Rohan, but we'll see. If I could get [livejournal.com profile] sirfox, [livejournal.com profile] lythandra, [livejournal.com profile] hantamouse and [livejournal.com profile] jamesbarrett interested, we could do a "Fellowship From Zero" game for off weekends or something.
the_gneech: (Alex Spaz)
Vince Suzukawa is a sillypants.

-The Gneech
the_gneech: (It's a Lion)
So, this is something I've been quietly contemplating for years now. And I think it's pretty clear with the release of Rough Housing that it's just going to become more visible as time goes on. Today, I posted to Twitter:

"I have a confession to make. I’ve tried to hide it long enough. The truth is, I’m 1/4 otter on my mother’s side.

I shall now honor my ancestors by consuming some delicious tuna."

Mind you, it was just a silly tweet. However, my followers all seemed to agree!

@CityFlyer502: "That otter please them. :D"

@GalloViking: "Have you hidden otter things from us?"

I followed up with:

"Kidding aside, in the world of furry phenotypes, I’ve wondered for a while if otter isn’t in there somewhere.

If lion is my 'ferocious/spiritual' side, otter would be my silly bounce when I’m at my best. Plus the whole swimming, fish-eating thing. :d

Also, no cracks about sea lions please. I am definitely not one of those. ;P"

This led to responses such as:

@inkblitzer: "Oh, I'm pretty sure they are."

@Pyropone: "Sure they are! Otters can be adorable!"

@ CoaldustPony: "But otter is your silly side! So at least 256% otter."

So, I kinda feel like the guy who comes out to his parents only to have them say "We've known since you were six, dude." XD

@DatBirdBrain asked, "Liotters can be friends with zebras since they eat mostly fish then, right?" To which I responded "I never met a zebra I didn't like! ...But I've only ever met, like, two."

That said, I'm not going to start calling myself a liotter. Firstly, because I am and pretty much always have been a lion, just a lion who is part otter. And secondly because "liotter" looks like "loiterer" every time I see it, and I'm definitely not one of those!

-The Gneech *bounce!*
the_gneech: (Torey Rave)
I stayed up too late
There's a buzzing in my brain
Oh why am I awake? Uuu-ugh
Why am I awake? Uuu-ugh

I can't feel most of my face
I'm stumbling all around the place
Oh why am I awake? Uuu-ugh
Why am I awake? Uuu-ugh

The cats need feeding
Shut up, I'm up
Move it
Or I'll step on you and then I might just
fall right on down the stairs

'cause the cats are gonna play play play play play
While my hair is going gray gray gray gray gray
At least I won't be late late late late late
'cause I'm awake at dawn
awake at dawn

My back is gonna break break break break break
Give me some coffee cake cake cake cake cake, baby
At least I won't be late late late late late
'cause I'm awake at dawn
awake at dawn

My glasses can't be found
I hope that's not them on the ground
What was that crunching sound? Uh ooh
What was that crunching sound? Uh ooh

Coffee's in the microwave (in the microwave)
Gourmets might think that it's a shame (it's an awful shame)
So what? I'm a caffeine slave, mm-mmm
Yeah I'm a caffeine slave, mm-mmm

Give me some donuts
Right now or I'll go nuts
If you think Bruce Banner's grumpy then
all I'll say is you ain't seen grumpy yet

In bed I'd rather lay lay lay lay lay
But I gotta start my day day day day day
At least I won't be late late late late late
'cause I'm awake at dawn
awake at dawn

This headache's gonna stay stay stay stay stay
It's not gonna go away way way way way
At least I won't be late late late late late
'cause I'm awake at dawn
awake at dawn

Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, enh-enh
Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, enh-enh
Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, enh-enh
Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, oh-oh-oh

Hey-hey-hey!
Just think, while you've been groping around
because you're trying to get ahead
you could have been snuggled up
in your! warm! bed!

My boss man
won't be there 'til ten
I'm like, "Oh my God,"
but I'm still awake
And to the fella over there
with the rumpled bed hair,
I feel your pain, buddy
'cause I'm wide awake, wake, wake

Yeah
'cause the cats are gonna play play play play play
While my hair is going gray gray gray gray gray
At least I won't be late late late late late
'cause I'm awake at dawn
awake at dawn

My back is gonna break break break break break
Give me some coffee cake cake cake cake cake
At least I won't be late late late late late
'cause I'm awake at dawn
awake at dawn

Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, enh-enh
Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, enh-enh
Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, enh-enh, yeah
Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, enh-enh

Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, enh-enh
Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, why am I
Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, enh-enh
Awake at dawn, awake at dawn, oh-oh-oh-ooooooh
the_gneech: (Mysterious Beard)
So on the way home, Pandora played a song by Skeewiff called "Flanger Freak." Regardéz:



This being an awesome tune, I wanted to make a note of it and knew I wouldn't remember the name. As it was, I could barely hold onto it long enough to fire up Siri and give her the instruction: "Remember Skeewiff Flanger!"

With a completely straight face (or the android equivalent thereto), Siri replied, "Okay, I'll create a reminder to ski with blender."

Welp.

Now I have a cartoon in my head of Comfort, skiing down the side of a mountain, holding a blender over her head like a trophy. Nice one, Siri.

Starbucks Moments: The Day Santa Liked My Muttonchops


On Monday, a man who I am pretty sure was Santa Claus in his civilian clothes came into the store looking flustered and somewhat lost, but upon seeing me (looking not too different from the icon for this post) immediately brightened up and said, "I love your facial hair!"

To which I replied with a thank you and proceeded to show him how the Starbucks smartphone app works because, being Santa, it's all still pretty new to him.

A woman also complimented my haircut-and-muttonchops combo tonight, saying that "It really worked." So apparently it does!

And now, back to prepping for my MFF flight. *kermitflails!*

-The Gneech
the_gneech: (Mysterious Beard)
So today I overheard one of my fellow baristas singing what I thought was Depeche Mode's The World In My Eyes, but I couldn't quite make it out.

When I asked what he was singing, he sang a little louder, revealing that he was in fact no so much singing as patter-chanting... uh... this.



I told him that he had made me want a Depeche Mode cover of "Magical Trevor," because that would be awesome. He agreed.

-The Gneech
the_gneech: (Mysterious Beard)

A Random Steampunk Thought I Had


...and posted to Tumblr, but want to remember here. To wit:

The thing about airships is, by definition, that means they have to be lighter than air. So unless they can somehow pull that off while still maintaining the inertia of a thing on the ground, they’re going to be pushed and pulled by every little breeze that comes along.

So even the fantasy ironclad airships, bristling with cannons? Are basically big dumb junebugs, floating around kind of randomly, bumping into stuff, pointing the wrong way and occasionally going off on long detours in completely the wrong direction because of a stiff breeze.

…Which is kinda awesome, actually.


Mr. Torgue's Guide to Happiness


When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.

The Pale Blue Dot




The New Season of MST3K Kickstarter, Starring Joel


As of this writing, at $1.3 million of their $2 million goal and climbing, with 29 days still to go. Looks promising!

That's It For Now


Time to draw some ponies! I'll post 'em later.

-The Gneech

PS: My new favorite reaction to everything.

Obama WTF
the_gneech: (Mysterious Beard)
Why the hell am I still awake?

-The Gneech

PS: I didn't promise that it would be an interesting thought.
the_gneech: (Default)

Okay, okay, it’s not a monster writeup. But it has a monster in it, and it’s Monday. So deal with it!



My Little Monster Studies: Displacer Beast by the-gneech on DeviantArt


Commission for Miertam, possibly the start of a new series, of Twilight learning all about monsters… the hard way. This episode’s entry is that adorable little six-legged tentacular light-warping critter, the displacer beast. Fluttershy, of course, thinks it’s adorable… and clearly Twilight is speechless with admiration!


Such a weird-honkin’ monster and one of my favorites, even if I rarely actually use them. 😀 Inspired originally by “Voyage of the Space Beagle” by A. E. van Vogt if my memory serves correctly, modified slightly and now immortalized by Dungeons and Dragons. Aside from its devious nature, the displacer beast has a permanent illusion of being some distance from its actual body. I never really thought that would actually be that confusing until I started drawing this, but now I can totally see it.


On an artistic note, for this pic I decided to do a piece that used the pony character models but drawn in my own style rather than trying to simply mimic the MLPFIM style. Whattya think?


-The Gneech

the_gneech: (Keitaro Holy Crap)
An oldie but a goodie.



-The Gneech

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