Vanity

[the_gneech]

Everyone has 24 hours in their day; why is it that some people always have tons of time, and other people never have any?

In my case, I am beginning to come to grips with the fact that I just plain want to do too much ... and I want to do it all brilliantly.

Take my comics, for instance. Vince Suzukawa sent me some pics he drew early in the development of Class Menagerie, which he was quick to denounce as awful, poorly-drawn, early work that he was ashamed to show the world.

I looked at them and only wished I could draw that well. Artwork is, has been, and probably always will be the weakest aspect of my work. I have fantasies about going back to school and getting some real art training, since what ability I have has been gleaned entirely from reading "How To Draw" books and trying to copy other people's work. But that takes money, and more importantly, that takes time -- which I never have because I'm already working on my strips all the time.

And, not content with having one comic strip, I want to do several -- and I want to do them brilliantly. NN already suffers from being the secondary strip to SJ ... I can only imagine the lame works I would create if I returned "Whistling In the Dark" to production, or began "Jungle Fever," "Brimstone, MA," or any of the other ideas I've had for new strips in the past. I want to do them all -- and I want them to have great writing and gorgeous art.

That's my vanity speaking.

And besides comic strips, I want to write novels. I have written science fiction, mystery, and fantasy ... none of which were brilliant, but all of which were pretty good. But I want them to be brilliant. I want Ethangea to be as popular (and profitable) a fantasy setting as anything by Tolkien, Robert Jordan, Ursula K. LeGuin, etc. I want there to be doctoral theses on my works. I want to be to fantasy, what Mozart was to music.

Vanity. Pure vanity.

Normally, I think vanity is an underrated phenomenon. Read Atlas Shrugged to see what I mean ... without vanity, a lot of great things would never have come to be. Look at the big achievers in history, and what was one of their unifying characteristics? Vanity. An individualistic, solopsistic desire to think of one's self as being great.

Our culture despises vanity, and worships it at the same time. Who do people always want to hear gossip about? Celebrities. What makes celebrities become who they are? Very often, it's vanity. Who do people flock around, support, and adore? Those who will stand up, say, "I know what's the best thing to do, and I'm doing it!" At the same time, who do people LOOOOVE to see get pounded down? Those same nails sticking up over the crowd.

Of course, vanity has a dark side. It drives people to excess ... it destroys relationships ... it nurtures obsessions. And, in my case, it leads to a constant fretting about the fact that my artwork isn't as good as I want it to be ... I haven't published any novels, because I haven't written any that were good enough yet, and so forth. I feel like a study in vanity, frustrated.

Still ... I have actually achieved many things that I really never expected to. I have books of my comic strips out. I have fans (I have fans???). I made Harlan Ellison crack up and shake my hand. :) These things soothe the fretting ... but they also raise the bar for what my vanity wants next.

It ain't easy, being me. ;) But I suppose that's true of just about everybody.

-The Gneech

Comments

[nekomimikun.livejournal.com]

Everyone in the world is a separate person, but we tend to judge the world by the whole. Each person we see has their own set of issues and clouds hanging over their heads. Just some are able to step out and be noticed. Unfortunately, they become completely "naked" in the eyes of the world.
It just takes getting used to. And don't worry about your artwork, yours is Picasso compared to mine. ;)
Good luck!

Vanity and writing

[jamesbarrett.livejournal.com]

You say all of this and I can only think, "Vanity is why I stopped writing in the first place." I would write a brief something and think, "that's crap." After a while, I just gave up. The masterpiece I wanted to write that would shame The Wheel of Time was not coming. My descriptive text was too bulky, my characters weak and awkwardly described, my plots so convoluted even I didn't know where they were at. I sucked. I just couldn't accept that the first time I put the words onto the paper, my brilliance wasn't visible right away. When I wrote something I did feel good about, I would show it to people and get almost nothing in response. Nothing! Isn't it so brilliant that you are awed by? No? Why the hell not?

For the first time, I am actually aware of the meaning and usefulness of rewritting something. And this is mainly in part because you introduced me to this forum. Here, I can take the things my mind insists are gems, show them off, and get real feedback that enables me to see the value of a decent rewrite. Thank you for that, you self-slave driving, red-headed fool. -Frisk

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

"Meaningless, says the teacher!"
(In NASB translation, this word is rendered, "vanity of vanities.")

Take heart, Gneech! It's OK to want your work to be outstanding.

I've gotta tell you though, I think your artwork is incredible-- even that chef fox we were all confused over. (Actually, I think I was the only one who didn't think it was a fox, and I can't make out computer imagery that well.)

I guess it's kinda like Vince hating his works: I wish I could draw as well as you. Go to COTC's guest art from this past Christmas and you'll see what I mean. (I've got a guest strip there.)

Expect to make the best novel ever, but stp comparing yourself to the people already out there, except to make sure it's unique. Be the best Gneech you can be, and your work will be great.

[level-head.livejournal.com]

...you prob'ly think this post is about you... ;)

Recommendation, most serious: Get out of the habit of predicting limits for yourself. I am referring to:
Artwork ... probably always will be the weakest aspect of my work.

Horsemanure. You cannot know that. And anyone picking on my friends tends to get me riled up -- I have fired clients for mistreating my staff. So when you do this to yourself, I have mixed feelings.

You are a frozen slice of Gneech, at this moment in time.

You extend back through many years of creative effort -- and many others join me in acknowledging how far you have come in that time.

You extend many years into the future, and I for one would not put any limits on what you can and will accomplish.

Clearly, you are a natural-born storyteller. Your use of comic strips as the medium for this is the most visible aspect to most of your readers. But comic strips are obviously not the only tool on your belt. I have seen only a few examples of your writing, but I like it a lot -- and you're not done growing yet.

You have martial arts training. You know the disciplines involved, and you know that this concept applies to many things in life. Keep at it, prepare, train, be consistent . . . and the opportunity will come. You must be able to deal with it when it arrives -- which is more a case of "centered in your spirit" than "money in the bank". Those sorts of things tend to take care of themselves.

You have many good people on your side. And many blades, ready to defend your back and advance your standard.

You have already demonstrated, to the satisfaction of very many, that you are worthy of this. Now, believe it yourself -- we outvote you. ;)

===|==============/ Level Head

[nekomimikun.livejournal.com]

Exactly! Couldn't have said it better!

Creativity is a double-edged blade

[(Anonymous)]

And, in my case, it leads to a constant fretting about the fact that my artwork isn't as good as I want it to be ... I haven't published any novels, because I haven't written any that were good enough yet, and so forth. I feel like a study in vanity, frustrated.

Therein lies the curse of being creative. :) Those of us who draw, write, sculpt whatever...the creations are an intimate extension of ourselves, and as such, we, the creators, see flaws. Be they real or imagined, each flaw, each 'goof up', preys upon us because the final creation just isn't what we saw in our minds. Outsiders to our minds, (ie the rest of the world) see only the final product, and like it for what it is. They don't suffer the birthing pangs, they just see the infant. Heck, I still get twitches of neurotic self-criticism when I think of anything I've drawn, but more so
when the character isn't of my own creation, when I'm attempting to interpret someone else's persona/character etc.

Still ... I have actually achieved many things that I really never expected to. I have books of my comic strips out. I have fans (I have fans???). I made Harlan Ellison crack up and shake my hand. :)

and you met Don Bluth! *jealous* But I know where you're coming from. I have stories that beg to be written, drawings clamouring to be let out of the dusty ol' brain case, ideas that will likely never come to fruition...all because I simply want to do too much. :)

(or in this case, talk too much. I'll hush now)

Mooncat

[raemonde.livejournal.com]

I'd be happy just to be insulted by Harlan Ellison. =)

.Rae

*thwap* *thwap* *thwap*

[chipuni.livejournal.com]

Your artwork may not be as detailed as Vince Suzukawa's... Your writing may not be as well-regarded as Tolkein...

...and the words, "So what?" come back.

You are the Gneech. Be the absolute best Gneech that you can.

Learn from Vince Suzukawa's art style, and incorporate his best stuff into yours... but remember that you're not Vince. Learn from Tolkein, and incorporate his best stuff into yours... but remember that you're not Tolkein.

The world is filled with third-rate Tolkein writers. But the world has never seen a first-rate Gneech.

You can and will do it.

[nekomimikun.livejournal.com]

Who knows? You may beat all these people, that you compare yourself to, by navigating and setting new grounds in another medium that they haven't even tried yet. ;)

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Well many thanks for the encouragement, everyone! :) I wasn't fishing for cheers, but they're always very welcome nonetheless! -TG