What Was I Saying...?

So! A week later (Hi, Dreamwidth, I haven't forgotten you!), we now have a car again. It's not the same car, alas, it's a 2025 incarnation of the previous car (specifically a Subaru Forester), which we have leased instead of purchased because holy heck car payments are insayan any more. O.o And with cars being made more and more disposable all the time (Dear Civilization: You are going backwards!), buying a car with the intent of paying on it for five years, with the hope of having it another 10-15 years after that, just doesn't seem feasible.

Blugh.

And, y'know, it's a nice car, I can fit in it and it has my beloved range-finding cruise control, etc., plus by definition it will always be under warranty in case something goes hinky. But once again our savings got blown away just as they were starting to build up a little (so very, very tired of that pattern) and the monthly cost is more than we'd like.

But we are at least mobile and moving forward. We shall continue to keep calm and carry on.

-TG

So my new year's ruminations post perfectly fits the mode of my life for the past few years, by being done nearly a week after I intended, squeezed in between napping in the car after my shift and trying to get something else done this afternoon.

Life has been stressful, friends. So much so that I didn't even mess with my usual yearly review post last year... because it felt like there was no point. :P

I haven't exactly advertised, but I haven't hidden either, that financially we crashed and burned a few years back, when my various job-hunting and entrepreneurial efforts all came up zero, followed by Laurie's job (which had been foreseeably circling the drain for years) finally collapsing in on itself and her own job-hunting and entrepreneurial efforts met with about the same success as mine.

In the time since then, we've been buoyed by the kindness of my sister allowing us to basically use one floor of her house as an efficiency apartment. It's out in the middle of nowhere and we don't have much in the way of kitchen amenities, but there are worse lifeboats. Laurie found a job that was best described as "better than nothing," and I picked up a barista job where we could share the (very long) commute, and that's where we were when 2022 started.

But, in a turn of events I haven't felt since sometime before 2010, this year has actually been better than the year before it. Laurie's job got a serious upgrade, to the point that we're actually looking at getting our own place again, and if we can pull that off, I'm going to pick up my own job-hunting as well. I started picking up extra money as a professional Dungeon Master one night a week, which has been a very interesting experience and increased my own income noticeably. And best of all, I finally managed to find some help getting me through my writer's block on Suburban Jungle in the form of Spiritwolf. With his help I've FINALLY finished issue 8, as well as a working outline for issue 9.

I can't express how huge that is.

So this year, finally, I feel like I have enough of a handle on my life to look at where I am, and set some goals for where I would like to be this time next year. I mean, if the past several years have proved nothing else we don't know what tomorrow will be like, but I do feel like maybe life is taking on a more recognizable shape again. So, 2023... what do I intend to achieve?

1) Move. I am super-grateful to my sister and her crew, but our living arrangements are a pretty significant source of stress I want to clear out of our lives. We may never be back in something as nice as The Hobbit Hole again, and certainly not on our current income, but not losing 2.5 hours to the Beltway every day, having a kitchen of our own, and being able to come home after my shift is done instead of having to find somewhere to put myself until Laurie is off of work will all be huge and free up both time and mental bandwidth for other things.

2) Continue Rough Housing. I'm still looking at probably bringing it to a close after issue 10, which would give me enough material for two large collections and allow me to feel like I gave it a proper run. But as much as I love it, the emotional and financial rewards of it just do not compensate for the time and effort. Once upon a time, when I dreamed of somehow "being a cartoonist" in any meaningful way, working nightly and weekends on Suburban Jungle felt like I was trying to build a future; now it feels more like trying to recapture the past. I don't know if I'll get all the way through issue 10 this year, but issue 8 is done and issue 9 will follow shortly, so it's possible. If nothing else, I'll finally have something new at AnthroCon again.

3) Reclamation Project Year Two. Speaking of having something at AnthroCon, one of my resolutions for early 2023 is to get this book done. I've received several new submissions since Midwest Furfest, and will do one more big call sometime this month. I have too many people who've been waiting too long for this project to move forward, and fans asking for it, to let it stay hung any longer. I don't like being the single largest obstacle to my own project. XD

4) Big Income Boost. I want to live comfortably again. I don't (and never have) cared about the trappings of wealth, I just want a clean and pleasant place with a little space to put my stuff, do my work, and take care of my cat. But what I do care about, is not having to think about money all the damn time. Weighing the probabilities of whether or not the car will die this month, being certain that I can just go to the grocery store and there will be funds to cover it, etc., are more of those sine qua non things that really screw up my productivity, and ironically, the less I need to care about money the more likely I am to bring it in. Whether that boost comes in the form of a traditional job (doing what? I don't know these days), illustration work (I still have those art lessons I invested in and have only used about 1/10th of), or something that has yet to present itself to me, I need to keep my eyes peeled for opportunities on that front.

5) My Health. My day job has me on my feet for several hours each shift, so it's not like I'm not getting any activity, but it's mostly standing in one place or running back and forth over a single 10' space during rush periods; and because I'm eating a lot of Starbucks lunches (on the grounds that it's already payed for), I have gained a lot of weight around the middle. I very much miss my weight lifting and honestly any kind of fun exercise–not that I have much time to get any as it is (see also the 2.5 hours of commuting every day). One of the places we're looking at moving to, we've lived before, and I used to actually enjoy jogging there, so maybe I can do that again. If we end up someplace with a weight room, heck, if we can get our finances to a place where I can set up a VR rig and start playing Beat Saber even, who knows? But the timer is running out before my body decides it doesn't want to play any more and, well, seeing so many of my friends getting old around me, is really starting to upset me.

6) Integrate With My ADHD. Figuring out the ADHD diagnosis a couple of years ago was a giant bombshell, and has been a journey ever since. First was just re-examining my life in the new context, to re-frame so many things I thought of as "character flaws" as instead being "symptoms." Second was to just sort of allow the ADHD some room to breathe, to indulge in the various behaviors it leaned towards instead of fighting them and beating myself up about it, to see what the effects and consequences would be, and learn what approaches were healthy and useful, vs. things that ended up with wasted time, effort, or making things worse instead of better. I'm still in that stage to some extent, but I feel like I'm nearing the end of it. It turns out that, with the exception of the beating myself up part, my ADHD was reasonably well-managed, thanks to a lifetime of building my own support structures and coping methods. Getting back to that state, but now with a healthier sense of self and self-esteem, will make items 1-5 work much more smoothly.

7) Take Control of My Time. All of the above lead to this one, but this one in turn informs and underlines all of them. I started this post talking about how I've spent several days trying to get to a time and place where I could write it, because that's where my life is right now. Laurie and I seem to spend almost all of our time either in the car, or recovering from being in the car. I am in a constant state of trying not to fall asleep where I am (not a good state for driving for hours, let me say), and always four interrupts deep on whatever I have to do, while the ADHD is screaming loudly in my ear about what I want to do. It is, as I said above, stressful. My real goal for 2023, more than anything, is to get ahead of things again, instead of chasing after them. A tall order, yes, but I've been there before and I can be there again.

So, those are my resolutions, if you care to look them as such–my roadmap for the next twelve months. Whenever I get stuck trying to figure out what to do next, I'm going to look at these and think, "Okay, what can I do that serves these goals?"

Hoping for great things... and for the end of Interesting Times.

-TG

September and October have been something of a rough spot, productivity wise. I spent a lot of September just plain sick, and while I did finally get through that, the time since then has felt kinda like being in a plane that goes "brrzzt... brrzzt... cough!" and doesn't want to stay in the air.

I don't want to get into the quagmire of why that is; what I want to focus on right now, is what to DO about it. I need to get my shit together in order to make a living, and I want to get my shit together just because I'm tired of being somebody who, well, isn't that. >.>

Working with my own coach, one thing I've distinguished is that I have been "all over the place" in terms of focus. I mean, this isn't news– I'll be all excited about writing for a while, then all excited about my comics for a while, then all excited about D&D for a while, then then then... And that drive and excitement can lead me to accomplish great things. But the downside is, it can also lead to dozens of promising starts that end in frustrated fizzles. Another book not finished. Another commission sitting in the queue for months. Another day gone by without finding a new coaching client.

My go-to here would be to rail against the tyranny of time, which is one of my favorite enemies. I get into the zone and focus on a thing, something I'd like to accomplish in a few hours or a day's work, and three weeks pass. It's very, very, VERY annoying.

But it's also the world that is, so what good does railing against it do? None. I have to find a way to work with reality instead of against it.

So that's what I'm focusing on today, starting with this journal entry. I want to get back to daily writing and/or journaling, because that is something that always helps keep me both focused and happy. To that end, I've hopped back onto 4theWords.com to gamify it. Lady Rowyn and Inkblitz used to be my pals there, and I don't know if either of them are still on it, but it was fun having writing buddies. I'm also looking for ways to "clear my decks" because I feel like I'm spread too thin. I've barely touched my Twitterponies in a long time, and I feel guilty about that. I've got outstanding commissions, and I feel guilty about that. I've got rewards promised to Patreon subscribers, and I'm always worried about making sure those get done in time– it feels like it's always the last week of the month and everything's due.

(Speaking of which: it's the last week of the month, and everything's due.)

Finally, I will cultivate my daily meditation habit to help calm my yakkity-sax mind. I used to meditate a lot more often, while riding in the car, or on a break at work, or whatever, but somewhere along the line I fell out of it. Probably stress is a factor– the stress of current events, of being worried about money, and ironically the stress of mental noise itself that meditation is the treatment for. It's kind of an insidious trap that the problem itself is the major impediment to the treatment of the problem. XD

So, yeah. Consider this entry #1 of my new daily journaling habit. XD And I've hit about 600 words here, not bad! ;) I have in mind to write a followup to my D&D blog from the other day about wandering monsters, too, but that might wait until tomorrow.

-TG

I've had a rough couple of weeks. :P

Long story short, too many plates spinning. Between Barnes & Noble, coach training, coach actually doing, commissions, the comic, and actually running some D&D, there was just no way to do it all. And then, I got sick, and everything just came clattering down like the chef in those old Sesame Street shorts who would call out "Five! Fancy! Fruitcakes!" and then promptly fall down the stairs.



I feel you, Sesame Street Fall Down the Stairs Guy.

I did manage to finish Leona Is Not Safe For Work, get to all of my B&N shifts other than the one where I called in sick, do some networking with Justy, and ran D&D last night. Tonight, I do not get to go to bed until Joey Gatorman's commission is done. So a lot of things have gotten done. But as of right now I still have not taken on a formal coaching client and have fallen behind on my training, don't have a comic page for next week, and am not likely to have one for the week after, either.

There just literally isn't time to do it all, and even if I try, I'm just going to make myself sick again, because I'm not getting any days off in between.

Of all these things, the most time consuming and least rewarding has been Barnes & Noble, so I gave my notice there, as of this coming Friday. This coming week I will be catching up as much as I can before the second training weekend with Accomplishment Coaching.

Last night, I had the classic "The semester's over and you haven't gone to class!" dream, and woke up feeling overwhelmed and terrible. Yes, thank you brain, I'm aware of this, you don't need to remind me. Today, in between being at B&N again, I'm going to make it a do-or-die priority to finish that commission.

I'm standing up, cleaning the custard splats off my face, and moving forward.

-The Gneech

I may draw the first-ever NSFW Suburban Jungle art today and tomorrow.

I am weirdly antsy about it.

-The Gneech

Today was full of much stuff. A lot of it was related to the creation of the Coaching business, such as getting a quote on liability insurance, connecting with a local small biz accountant, and so on, but a lot was also involved in art and convention stuff, including sending off panel proposals to FurTheMore and AnthroCon, dealing with convention logistics, and so forth. I also spoke to Teiran about a new art/book project idea– about which more later this week.

We also picked up some special food for Dasher, had some yummy fried shrimp for dinner ourselves, and tried mochi for the first time. Long story short: we weren't super-impressed. It didn't suck, but it wasn't something we're eager to try again.

I rounded off the evening by writing up my top twenty affirmations or self-reminders on Post-It Notes, which are now stuck across the bottom of my monitor so I can review them at will. I can hear some peoples' eyes rolling at that idea from here, but I don't care, I think they're a great idea. We spend our lives, and especially our young lives, being told all kinds of stupid crap over and over by our parents, the television, social media, and so on, and our brains just suck all that up like a sponge. If I'm going to have my brain taking in messages from the outside, then I want those messages to be positive and reinforce the thoughts, plans, and ideas that are meaningful and useful for me.

Some of them are simple and obvious choices, like "Where Gneeches go, parties follow!" Others are reminders of things I want to be grateful for and keep in mind, especially as I move forward into new projects that will be taking me out of my current comfort zone. One of them is the pretty basic "Have you updated Dreamwidth today?" ...hence this post. ;) I mentioned on Twitter a few days ago that I was taking small steps in order to build up to big changes, and this is one of them.

Since this post is here, I'd say it's working. ;)

Anyway, now I'm off to get some sleep. It's been a day. Gnite world, and have an awesome tomorrow, even (and especially) if you have to make it one, yourself.

-The Gneech

Source: ModernReston.com

Solarpunk – a plausible near-future sci-fi genre, [...] based on updated Art Nouveau, Victorian, and Edwardian aesthetics, combined with a green and renewable energy movement to create a world in which children grow up being taught about building electronic tech as well as food gardening and other skills, and people have come back around to appreciating artisans and craftspeople, from stonemasons and smithies, to dress makers and jewelers, and everyone in between. -Olivia.

The house is starting to take shape, although laurie_robey and I seriously need some downtime to just come together and work on it, as she's been doing most of the organizing herself by virtue of actually being here. The B&N job, while it has its virtues, has been an enormous time/energy sink, and I suspect it will not last once I get into training. It doesn't make that much more than commissions + book sales, but has made those harder to get done in a timely way.

Being back in Virginia is definitely a relief, and we've made a point of getting some walking around the neighborhood in. The neighbors we've met are all very nice and there's a good sense of community here, which pleases me. And of course, Reston was solarpunk before there was solarpunk, despite every developer in the world trying to turn it into another Crystal City for the past fifty years.

Fuck off, developers. :P Nobody likes you.

The cats have been loving the new place, once they got over the stress of moving. The wide open living room gives them lots of room to tear around when they play, and Dasher particularly loves to Tokyo Drift all around the hardwood floors. (He very clearly does it on purpose when he's happy and excited– when all he wants is to get from point A to point B he just takes the turn normally.) We're particularly happy to see Dasher being energetic and having fun, as he is starting to show his age. He's not processing vitamin B12 properly, so we have to give him a weekly injection of that, and he'll be off to the vet later today for a heart checkup. Given everything he's been through, he's still doing very well.

Also today I have a call with someone from the life coach training organization I'm interested in. I already spoke to one person there, an alumnus who I made contact with through my counselor and who has a very successful practice as well as still working with the training group. The person I'm speaking to today is actually one of her trainers, and I intend to get into a bit more detail about the nitty gritty of the actual program. (Hours, schedule, tuition costs, etc.)

It sounds quite promising. The program is designed to give you hands-on experience fairly quickly and helps you set up your own practice, find clients and referrals, and so forth. Some people (such as my initial contact) stay with the program or create a hybrid career combining clients of their own with program clients, while others simply strike off on their own after completing the course. And since part of understanding what life coaching is all about is having a clients'-eye view of the process, you get the services of one of the instructors as a coach yourself while you go through it all. (Given that I have been more-or-less acting as my own life coach for the past few years, it'd be handy to offload that task onto someone else for a while– not unlike the lawyer not representing themselves. ;) )

Seriously tho, once I started examining the idea of coaching, the more I began to think it was a good fit for me. I've basically been doing it for some of my friends for years (or decades) just by instinct, but it would be good to actually know what I'm doing. ;) (It would also be good to have a profitable line of work again, without going back to the code mines. I don't think I could successfully be an I.T. guy any more even if I wanted to, which God knows I don't.) I suspect the hardest part of the business for me will be the actual entrepreneurial aspect– i.e., billing, accounting, all that jazz– and part of the training program is helping you get that all set up.

Besides creating this as a new career, I'm also thinking about ways I can use the skills to help out the fandom(s) I'm in. I'm looking at creating a "How To Successfully Human" panel to run at furry cons, for instance. Plus anything that makes me a better businessman can only help with selling books and running my tables at conventions. If 2018 goes as I intend, I shall be well on my towards making a better future for myself and the world. :)

-The Gneech

I have decided that, as much as it annoys me, I am once again going to have to punt on NaNoWriMo, because, just like last year, November is just too damn crammed full of stuff. The big one is moving, but even that could be handled except for picking up the seasonal job at Barnes & Noble. Between now and the end of November, I have three days off: one is Thanksgiving, one is Moving Day. The rest of the time, I'm doing 8-hour retail shifts during the height of Christmas shopping season.

When you combine that with a half-baked story outline, and the fact that my mind is in a completely different space because I am all interested in coming up with new career and money-making options now that we're moving back to Virginia, you end up with NaNoWriMo simply being too far down on the list of priorities. On top of all that, I don't want laurie_robey to be doing all the packing and moving herself, again. We've moved like that way too many times, never again.

But fear not, dear readers! I am still going to write the book, and it wouldn't surprise me if I finish it by the end of January, but I am not going to cram on it for NaNoWriMo. Instead I'm going to go back and write up a proper outline using the ~22k words I have already as a launching pad. I know my basic cast, I know a lot of the core issues of the book, and I know generally where I want it to go, so that's a good foundation. But I discovered when writing Tend On Mortal Thoughts and Sky Pirates of Calypsitania, that I really, really like having a complete and fairly detailed outline; writing without one makes me feel like I'm trying to create a sculpture out of pudding.

I plan to write at least two novels between now and the end of 2018, of which this year's NaNoWriMo project (Child of the Tower) was one. The other is the Sky Pirates prequel. These books have two separate markets and eventual fates: Child of the Tower is intended to be the first in a new series of furry fantasy novels, while Clockwork Caper (the Sky Pirates prequel) will go to mainstream publishers, either as fantasy or teen fantasy/adventure. I do at some point need to fall in love with Clockwork Caper as its own thing– right now I still kind of think of it as a vehicle for finally getting Sky Pirates of Calypsitania on the shelves. (What can I say? I love Sky Pirates of Calypsitania. Not only is it the best thing I've written so far, it's also exactly the kind of book I wish I could read.)

So, About Those Money Goals...

I have put a lot of thought into creating a career lately, because what I've been doing just ain't cutting it. I enjoy both my art and my writing, but I haven't gotten to the point where I'm making the kind of money I want and need from it, nor have I found a way to make myself approach and think of it as "a real job." I haven't nailed down why this is, but I'm also tired of gazing into my navel about it and just want to get on with life already. To that end, I am now looking at other options.

I have also figured out that my "rebel tendency" nature has been sabotaging me on a lot of fronts, that one included. My secondary tendency is "obliger," and so while as a rebel I resent having to have customers or clients, as an obliger secondary I'm a lot more likely to actually DO something if I've promised some not-me person that it will be done. So as weird as it may sound, one possibility I am looking at is that of a life coach.

The various aptitude tests I've gone though (such as the Highlands Ability Battery) always come up with "writer" at the top (for obvious reasons), but also tend of have "counselor" highly rated. My problem with that has always been the same reason I never became a veterinarian despite my love of animals: I have an overactive empathy, and I don't want to get tangled up in other people's (or creatures') trauma and pain. I know counselors often find it cathartic; I suspect I would just turn into an emotional wreck.

But a life coach? That's a different matter. First of all, it's not so personal. I don't need to know that someone was sexually abused by their neighbor as a child in order to help them become successful or build new lives. Furthermore, assuming I'm good at what I do, my "mission accomplished" moments will be success stories, where I've helped people create richer, fuller, and more satisfying lives and make the world a better place. Who wouldn't want that?

And, let's not mince words here, being good at it can also make you rich too, almost as a necessary side-effect. Who's going to be interested in getting you to help them get their lives in order, if you're living on what was supposed to be your retirement and hating your own life? Life coaching is one of the few professions where being rich and happy is actually a job requirement. XD

But the thing is? I think I could do it. As inkblitz says, I've got a lot of experience in life. The pain of losing so many people in so short a time, overcoming depression, denial, and deep-rooted self-worth issues, have certainly taught me a thing or two about getting through (and over) one's crap. And if jamesbarrett's sister's declaration that I am an indigo has any kind of truth beyond sheer crackpottery, then not only can I use my gifts to help the world, it is literally what I came to this planet to do.

Right now, I've got a lot to learn and figure out about the idea. I don't know the ins and outs of life coaching, or even how one gets trained in such things other than reading a lot of self-help books. ¬.¬ But I do have resources! Besides the entirety of the internet, I have my counselor to consult. She's a trained professional and I've spoken to her and I know she has colleagues who actually are life coaches. Plus, well, I work in a freakin' bookstore. I'm sure I can find some interesting and useful materials there! ;D

While I was sitting around waiting for my shift to start earlier today, I put together this as a preliminary to-do list on the topic:

• Get life together ;P


• How does one do it?


• Make contacts/find mentors


• What does it entail?


• How make money?


• Running a biz/managing money


• Building a brand


• Gotta deal w/ Rebel Tendency!


• Possibly create a Rebel Tendency Support Group? ;)

So right now it looks like that's where the rest of my energy in 2018 is likely to go. Between all of that, and Laurie building her drone photography or other businesses, it's going to be a very interesting year​. But it's gonna be soooooo much better than the ones leading up to it have been!

I'm pretty darn excited, actually. :) It's really nice to be looking forward to my life again. But now, I need some sleep. G'nite world, and have an awesome tomorrow. Turkey Day tomorrow! Remember to go to Shout Factory starting at noon EST for the MST3K Turkey Day Marathon! We sure as heck will be.

-The Gneech

Wrote 2,194 words yesterday, bringing my wpd to 1,112. Still below par, but gaining ground quickly. I also had a couple of big "Aha!" moments about the plot and added more to the outline, which will make the next stretches go a lot faster.

Also need to prep for this weekend's D&D game and do an "Ask the Cast" or something for next week's SJ.

I... am busy. >.>

-The Gneech

With a good push yesterday, I brought my NaNoWriMo total up to 3,106 words, putting me only two days behind, so I should be able to catch up quickly. Today I'm going to put together a cover as well.

The new lease is officially signed, sealed and delivered. We are moving back to Reston in the week between Thanksgiving and Midwest Furfest, because why do anything when you can do EVERYTHING AT ONCE? ;D

Had my first live past-life regression session with my counselor yesterday. No exciting mystical experiences, alas, but it wasn't a complete waste: my subconscious chewed on things from the session overnight and gave me what I think are some useful insights about my behavior and reactions going forward.

I have a job interview tomorrow night. :) A part-time thing that would basically pay the difference for our rent going up to go back to Virginia, so not exactly a big bump moneywise, but still valuable for other reasons. Will say more when things are definite one way or the other. :)

Finally, this month's Patreon supporter pledges are in! <3 Thank you, all you awesome peeps, I am super grateful as always for your support and encouragement. ^.^

This has been your Gneech News Report. We now return you to your regular Dreamwidth feed, already in progress.

-The Gneech