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the_gneechSorry about yesterday's rant, all ... it started out as a normal enough dissertation on the nature of LJ, but my body started to give out on me halfway through, which caused one of my emotional meltdowns, and ... well, you saw the result.
I woke up this morning physically sore ... I think I depleted some important reserves yesterday, and never did get today's SJ drawn. I did manage to act as the conduit for Vince to get today's TCM colored by Hikaru, so I at least feel like I achieved something.
I also had my every-three-weeks appointment with my counselor last night. In July, I will have been going to these sessions for two years. They were very helpful at first, but they have been less so lately. For a long time it was nice to have somebody with a certain amount of authority listen to all the stuff I poured out, and say, "That's very difficult for you, but you're handling it well, and things will improve soon." And it was true ... what I was going through was very difficult, but I managed to get through it, and in a lot of ways, things got better. My life now is far from perfect, but it's much better.
For one thing, I've gradually started rebuilding my ability to look beyond today in my planning. Once upon a time I was very organized ... I had 1-year, 3-year, 5-year, and 10-year plans for how my life would go, and they were gradually coming to fruition. Over a very short period of time, they suddenly got blasted to bits, and that shook me for quite a while, but now I've finally recovered to the stage where I have begun to pick the bits up off of the ground and start putting them back together. A lot of them suffered less damage than I had expected, which is encouraging ... but at the same time, some of the pieces have been bent all out of shape and don't fit back in the way they used to. (How's that for ambiguous symbolism?)
An important skill I've been developing is how to preempt emotional meltdowns. It seems endemic to my personality that they're going to come along no matter what I do -- so if eliminating them isn't a possibility, then I've got to learn how to manage them, instead.
I've found there are a few simple steps that go a long way. The first, is to keep myself fed. Hunger makes me tired, gives me headaches, and causes emotional meltdowns. Second, is to keep myself rested. When I feel my mood start to slip, it's off to the bedroom for a 15- or 20-minute nap. Being awake for a mood crash is no fun for me, nor for anyone else around me, so if I'm going to have one, I might as well sleep through it. I'm usually so tired that all I need to do to get a nap is close my eyes and will it to happen.
This Starbucks schedule is going to be a major challenge to survive; I'm tired enough getting up at 10:00 a.m.
Hmm ... speaking of which ... it's 10:00, and still no SJ -- and I've got to be back at that stupid coffee shop at 2:00. (I get to work until 10:00 tonight, and then go in at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. Isn't that special? I need a real job. Somebody hire me!) I better stop chatting about this same old subject and go get something done. Later, all! And sorry about last night.
-The Gneech
I woke up this morning physically sore ... I think I depleted some important reserves yesterday, and never did get today's SJ drawn. I did manage to act as the conduit for Vince to get today's TCM colored by Hikaru, so I at least feel like I achieved something.
I also had my every-three-weeks appointment with my counselor last night. In July, I will have been going to these sessions for two years. They were very helpful at first, but they have been less so lately. For a long time it was nice to have somebody with a certain amount of authority listen to all the stuff I poured out, and say, "That's very difficult for you, but you're handling it well, and things will improve soon." And it was true ... what I was going through was very difficult, but I managed to get through it, and in a lot of ways, things got better. My life now is far from perfect, but it's much better.
For one thing, I've gradually started rebuilding my ability to look beyond today in my planning. Once upon a time I was very organized ... I had 1-year, 3-year, 5-year, and 10-year plans for how my life would go, and they were gradually coming to fruition. Over a very short period of time, they suddenly got blasted to bits, and that shook me for quite a while, but now I've finally recovered to the stage where I have begun to pick the bits up off of the ground and start putting them back together. A lot of them suffered less damage than I had expected, which is encouraging ... but at the same time, some of the pieces have been bent all out of shape and don't fit back in the way they used to. (How's that for ambiguous symbolism?)
An important skill I've been developing is how to preempt emotional meltdowns. It seems endemic to my personality that they're going to come along no matter what I do -- so if eliminating them isn't a possibility, then I've got to learn how to manage them, instead.
I've found there are a few simple steps that go a long way. The first, is to keep myself fed. Hunger makes me tired, gives me headaches, and causes emotional meltdowns. Second, is to keep myself rested. When I feel my mood start to slip, it's off to the bedroom for a 15- or 20-minute nap. Being awake for a mood crash is no fun for me, nor for anyone else around me, so if I'm going to have one, I might as well sleep through it. I'm usually so tired that all I need to do to get a nap is close my eyes and will it to happen.
This Starbucks schedule is going to be a major challenge to survive; I'm tired enough getting up at 10:00 a.m.
Hmm ... speaking of which ... it's 10:00, and still no SJ -- and I've got to be back at that stupid coffee shop at 2:00. (I get to work until 10:00 tonight, and then go in at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. Isn't that special? I need a real job. Somebody hire me!) I better stop chatting about this same old subject and go get something done. Later, all! And sorry about last night.
-The Gneech
