Fictionlet

[the_gneech]

Greg pulled a small package out of his grocery bag and examined it dubiously. "The new XPLUSION has 64 blades and launches anti-tank rockets to give you a closer, more comfortable shave than any man has ever had in the history of the universe!"

"'Xplusion'?" said Brigid. "What happened to 'X-17, the Widowmaker'?"

"Had too much soap residue," Greg said. "It interfered with the targeting reticule."

"Aw, man," said Brigid. "I hate it when that happens."

-The Gneech

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Comments

[frostdemn.livejournal.com]

You won't be getting anything done, will you?
But ah, that's so true..

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Actually, I just wanted an excuse to use the word 'reticule'...

-The Gneech

[frostdemn.livejournal.com]

Somehow, I don't believe you.
So what are we up to now? Five blades? I saw a skit on MAD TV that had 12 blades, but actually, the 12th blade was a roll of toilet paper to clean up the mess. I wonder if that's still around somewhere...

[exatron.livejournal.com]

I think they're at four blades with unusual compositions and unnecessary accessories.

[frostdemn.livejournal.com]

No, I think I saw a five-blade razor with a lubrication thingy on it and a sixth blade on the reverse so you can precision shave.
Precision shaving.. That's just.. Doesn't sound right.

[exatron.livejournal.com]

The last I saw was a commercial for a four-blade razor with all of the blades containing titanium, but I do recall one with the precision blade on the other side.

That extra blade seems like it would be more trouble than it's worth since it's in a spot that most people would expect to be blunt. Probably just my fear of sharp objects kicking in.

[frostdemn.livejournal.com]

Bah, have you no claws? :P

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Actually, that's the kind I have. In its defense, it is actually more comfortable than the three-blade disposables I was using before -- it just sorta feels like I'm lightly dragging a piece of velcro across my face.

-TG

[frostdemn.livejournal.com]

Actually, I find that shocking. I imagine you simply trim yer whiskers. Does this mean you don't have a beard right now..?

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

I still have my beard; but I use a razor to trim away the stuff on the sides and on my neck.

-TG

[hossblacksilver.livejournal.com]

I swear I saw somethign simular on SNL. Had something like 16, a couple of which didn't actually cut, but caused wind shear to pick the whisker up for the next blade.

[jamesbarrett.livejournal.com]

It does seem like it won't be long before that kind of razor comes out, doesn't it? -Frisk

[exatron.livejournal.com]

If one of the commercials I saw last night is any indication, they're really close.

[dhlawrence.livejournal.com]

I must be the only person left in the world that wants two-blade razors.

[frustratedpilot]

You aren't. Two blades are plenty. MORE doesn't mean BETTER. I have a tough beard and I used to get the Schick diamond-cut blade refills because they actually worked better than the normal ones. But Schick gave up on them in favor of just adding more blades to the shaver head like everybody else.

That and I hate the lubrication strips. Those things are evil.

[elektron.livejournal.com]

What the hell are they for anyway? Surely if they did anything they'd come before the blades...

<-Uses a Norelco, thankuverymuch

[jim-ghote.livejournal.com]

What is really silly is having a vibrator in these things. I thought washing one's face, then lathering was all that was needed to get the face forrest in shaveable condition. Nope, someone thought that "stimulating" the hairs would help matters. Will the next-gen shavers start providing little cigs for afterward?