Get Back To Where It Once Belonged

[the_gneech]

I am home today, resting my back after the punishment it took last week and yesterday. It's mostly okay, except every once in a while it will hit me with a short-but-intensely-painful spasm.

I hope to crank out some comic strips today while I still have some time left. I've had a strange relationship with my drawing lately, pretty much since I finalized the decision not to go to MFF.

When I first started doing comic strips in a big way, back in college, I used to find them very exciting. I would sit and crank out idea after idea, then when I ran out I'd pick up Bloom County Babylon or one of the VCU Library's many Pogo books and read until I was inspired again. I could happily draw for hours at a time. It wasn't rare for me to spend all day sitting at a table in the library just drawing like crazy.

These days, it's not like that. Although I do still sometimes draw for pleasure, now it's more like a habit. I don't continue my comics because I enjoy doing them, I continue my comics because I don't want them to stop. When I go to a convention, I get all inspired and excited again, and it lasts for a couple of weeks, then I'm back to just doing them with the same kind of "time to make the donuts" mindset.

Really, tho, it's not just my comics that are like that ... it's pretty much how I'm facing life in general. I've gotten so used to the default answer to everything being, "no, you can't have that," that I've largely stopped wanting things. I just sorta take what presents itself, and try to avoid anything really bad ... but I don't try very hard, because if something's destined to hit me, then trying to avoid it generally makes it worse when it finally comes.

Fortunately, DragonCon is in two days, so hopefully it will help break me out of this funk -- assuming I don't spend the whole time on the floor of the hotel room wincing in agony.

-The Gneech

Comments

Exactly! But without the back pain. :)

[murrrmaiyd.livejournal.com]

You've hit on my state of mind exactly.

<<... it's pretty much how I'm facing life in general. I've gotten so used to the default answer to everything being, "no, you can't have that," that I've largely stopped wanting things. I just sorta take what presents itself, and try to avoid anything really bad ... but I don't try very hard, because if something's destined to hit me, then trying to avoid it generally makes it worse when it finally comes. >>

Unfortunately, I don't get DragonCon to break me out of it...life has said, "no you can't have that" to that as well this year, which has really bummed me out. I got a similar effect to what Frisk and you both have said...a big burst of enthusiasm and creativity. Plus the whole refreshing aspect of getting out of the regular world for a weekend...its like a whole different dimension...a micro-world full of cool, interesting, and creative people that I can immerse myself in for a brief time that makes living in a place full of narrowminded red-neck jerks and living a mundane tedious life bearable for the rest of the year. Ok, ok, that's enough out of me...I'm no help! :)

Mur

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

It almost sounds like you have lost the joy of living... why do you think that is? Perhaps you need something to shake up your patterns, shuffle things around and leave you with a refreshed perspective-- like Dragon Con, but with a more lasting change.

Speaking of which, weren't you moving recently? How is that process going?

[kevinjdog.livejournal.com]

I wish I could say something more than "I hear ya." The biggest thing that inspires me these days is when I get to draw something a little unusual.

[jamesbarrett.livejournal.com]

I find this amusing, (note: In a good way for both of us :) ) All my life, you were the "go get it, accomplsih stuff, keep changing, life is full of opportunities" Person while I sat around listless and felt life was constantly telling me "You can't have that. It would take more than you can give to get". Now, you're listless and I am discovering myself full of that energy to do, be, get, and change. I like it in myself and hope you re-find it yourself. What's the fun if you're not doing the same? -Friske

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

I think, in my case, it boils down to "I'm tired and I need a change." But I don't know what that change should be. -TG

well, it's time to change, it's time to rearrange...

[mammallamadevil.livejournal.com]

who you are and what you want to be...(grin)...(this is the mystery lyric for the day)

just start small and the avalanche of concepts will come...maybe write a little bit today as well?

MLD

Re: well, it's time to change, it's time to rearrange...

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

I'll have to ask Bobby Brady about the lyric ... but the writing idea is a good one, and has helped tremendously! Thanks. :) -TG

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

The move will be sometime in the upcoming month; we've looked at a handful of places, but not settled on anything yet.

As for the joy of living, that took a big hit when I developed depression, back in late 1998. I'm largely over that now, but I do occasionally have relapses.

I think exhaustion and back pain are a major factor today, actually, which I suppose shouldn't be much of a surprise, huh? -TG

Re:

[jamesbarrett.livejournal.com]

I'll start looking around for one for you. I found my change, anyway. -Frisk

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

Exhaustion and pain can certainly do that to someone, yes.

But the best I can say for the sum of it is, there seems to be something in the air this month... every one I know, online and in real life, has admitted to being listless and low energy, except a certain New Jersey Wolf, that is. Hehe.

Well, I hope we can all pull out of it! *Hugs you tight*