The Importance of Being Earnest
Dec. 8th, 2002 05:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_gneechOr, Why Doesn't Johnny Care?
Something of fundamental importance to a writer, is keeping track of all the details of the world you've built. If you're writing fantasy, then it's things like how magic works and what the phrase windgardium leviosa means. If you're writing science fiction, then it's things like how many parsecs it is from Tau Ceti to the rogue black hole. If you're writing mystery, then it's more mundane details like where the killer was at 9:15 p.m. on August 14th.
Of course, the easiest way to keep track of all this stuff, is to just plain be interested in it. And lately, this is where I've found myself falling down. Every once in a while, I'll be sitting around, trying to come up with something, and suddenly think to myself, "Gawd, who cares?"
This strikes right at the heart of my creative ability, and I don't mind telling you, its effect is chilling.
Creating coherent and interesting settings used to be my forté. Ethangea grew out of a Fantasy Hero campaign; I created a large and bustling space opera setting for my Star Hero game that had trade routes, politics, even pop culture worked out; and so forth. When I was creating my comics, I applied the same skills to those settings ... how and what Arcadia was, the rules of faerie flight [1], the role of the Pendragon and what the significance of Excalibur was in NeverNever, or the biology of furries and the rules of predation in Suburban Jungle. It was easy and fun to come up with this stuff, because I found it to be endlessly fascinating.
Lately, however, I don't.
A lot of this started during my depression, as an unfortunate but inevitable byproduct. The inability to take pleasure in things that normally stimulate you is a widely-recognized symptom of depression, and usually curing the depression brings that ability back. And to some extent it has, but it isn't completely recovered.
But I think there's got to be something else at work here, too. I've found myself utterly bored with Dungeons and Dragons the past several weeks, and my reading of Harry Potter, while entertaining, didn't inspire me half as much as I'd hoped it would. I have rather felt a recurrent apathy, which is occasionally punctuated by bright moments of creative fire. The most recent one was the sudden desire to draw Saturday's Grab Bag image of Tiffany meeting Tony the Tiger; the one before that, was Conrad standing up and saying, "I want control of the Christmas story arc in SJ."
Michael Macbeth crawling around in my mind hasn't been a fire, so much as the constant griping of a curmudgeon, who is never happy with what you give him, but will never tell you just what would make him happy instead.
So what's up? That's what I want to know. Am I tired? Have I been pushing too hard with my to-do list? I'd certainly stop and just sit around and play, except I can't think of any playing to do that would be fun. My current disinterest in D&D extends to Icewind Dale II, which is the only unplayed computer game I have at the moment.
What needs to happen so that I care again?
-The Gneech
[1] Little-known fact: Faerie wings provide no lift. They only provide thrust. Faeries can hover indefinitely, magically bouyant from the faerie dust they produce.
Something of fundamental importance to a writer, is keeping track of all the details of the world you've built. If you're writing fantasy, then it's things like how magic works and what the phrase windgardium leviosa means. If you're writing science fiction, then it's things like how many parsecs it is from Tau Ceti to the rogue black hole. If you're writing mystery, then it's more mundane details like where the killer was at 9:15 p.m. on August 14th.
Of course, the easiest way to keep track of all this stuff, is to just plain be interested in it. And lately, this is where I've found myself falling down. Every once in a while, I'll be sitting around, trying to come up with something, and suddenly think to myself, "Gawd, who cares?"
This strikes right at the heart of my creative ability, and I don't mind telling you, its effect is chilling.
Creating coherent and interesting settings used to be my forté. Ethangea grew out of a Fantasy Hero campaign; I created a large and bustling space opera setting for my Star Hero game that had trade routes, politics, even pop culture worked out; and so forth. When I was creating my comics, I applied the same skills to those settings ... how and what Arcadia was, the rules of faerie flight [1], the role of the Pendragon and what the significance of Excalibur was in NeverNever, or the biology of furries and the rules of predation in Suburban Jungle. It was easy and fun to come up with this stuff, because I found it to be endlessly fascinating.
Lately, however, I don't.
A lot of this started during my depression, as an unfortunate but inevitable byproduct. The inability to take pleasure in things that normally stimulate you is a widely-recognized symptom of depression, and usually curing the depression brings that ability back. And to some extent it has, but it isn't completely recovered.
But I think there's got to be something else at work here, too. I've found myself utterly bored with Dungeons and Dragons the past several weeks, and my reading of Harry Potter, while entertaining, didn't inspire me half as much as I'd hoped it would. I have rather felt a recurrent apathy, which is occasionally punctuated by bright moments of creative fire. The most recent one was the sudden desire to draw Saturday's Grab Bag image of Tiffany meeting Tony the Tiger; the one before that, was Conrad standing up and saying, "I want control of the Christmas story arc in SJ."
Michael Macbeth crawling around in my mind hasn't been a fire, so much as the constant griping of a curmudgeon, who is never happy with what you give him, but will never tell you just what would make him happy instead.
So what's up? That's what I want to know. Am I tired? Have I been pushing too hard with my to-do list? I'd certainly stop and just sit around and play, except I can't think of any playing to do that would be fun. My current disinterest in D&D extends to Icewind Dale II, which is the only unplayed computer game I have at the moment.
What needs to happen so that I care again?
-The Gneech
[1] Little-known fact: Faerie wings provide no lift. They only provide thrust. Faeries can hover indefinitely, magically bouyant from the faerie dust they produce.
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From Paul Simon's "Graceland" album: "... I don't find this stuff amusing anymore..." (I think this was the piece "You Can Call Me Al".)
And from Cheech and Chong's Christmas song:
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Chong: And, how'd he, like, how'd he get the reindeer off the ground, man?
Cheech: Oh, well, man, he had some magic dust, man.
Chong: Some magic dust?
Cheech: Yeah, magic dust, y'know? He used ta give a little bit to da reindeer, a little bit to Santa Claus, a little bit more for Santa Claus, a little bit more...
Chong: And this would get the reindeer off, man?
Cheech: Aw, got 'em off, man?!? Are you kidding, man? They flew all da way around da world, man!
Chong: Hey, that's far out, man! Hey, I come I never met this dude, man?
Cheech: Oh, man, he doesn't do that bit anymore, man. It got too dangerous, man.
Chong: Yeah, I can dig that, man, 'cause that's a dangerous bit, man!
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Indeed, just as creativity is a dangerous bit. Perhaps "vulnerable" is a better word.
I am, today, embroiled in things I need to do for business, but I have a scenes already handwritten, and a page in my shirtpocket at the moment, ready to go.
It's not likely to happen today, but I need to force it to. Setting aside mundane real-world demands for the moment, part of the problem in the story is that I've got some droll political stuff to get through before our heroes get to an exciting portion again. I don't know how to make the political part exciting without making it absurd, but part of what I'm trying to do is teach a bit about the process, so I can't just skip it entirely. So, on careful analysis of my own subconscious thought, I realize that I'm afraid to run up to to that part of the story, and that part's next.
I suggest that you re-read parts of Creativity Rules! and other works that you have on the discipline of writing. I will do that myself shortly. ];)
You cross occasional deserts of directionless thinking, but then hit a creative oasis and can recharge. I've seen you do this; you work best when you get absorbed in it to the point that you forget your self doubts for the moment. Knowing that this is going on, you must steel your thinking to manage this process. The "Brain of The Gneech" is already open for business, but it still needs good and vigilant management.
===|==============/ Level Head
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I may very well do that. :) Thanks! -TG
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Date: 2002-12-08 03:58 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2002-12-08 04:00 pm (UTC)I hope this doesn't sound terrible, but it's possible that you're growing beyond fantasy, and emerging into 'the real world'.
This isn't meant to suggest that 'growing up' means an end to creativity (witness Level_Head, as I have for many years). It's just possible that you're ready to apply your enthusiasm and creative mind to something of more substance.
It's easy to decide that today is too dreadful to contemplate. Heinlein and Asimov grew up feeling the effects of the depression and WWII - each focused forward to imagine a society and technology that we could conceivably grow into, instead of escape to. BTW - like most writers, they also dealt with depression - as have most truly gifted and creative people.
Most of us have to 'deal with the demon' - some more often than others. There are a lot of cliches - put one foot in front of the other - just write something - anything, draw circles on paper until your pencil starts moving in a more imaginative direction - all of them sound trite, but they all point one way - focus.
Focus on anything - your big toe, for example. Create a character that has your toe saying/doing the things you'd like to say/do but think people wouldn't understand. Into music? Have a toe jam. Cooking? Same answer. Build a toe truck - cruise the highways and help maidens in distress. Want to surf? Have an under-toe. An orgy? You've got mistle-toe - take advantage of the crowd that gathers. Are you toe-tally stressed? You may benefit from a toe-temic mantra.
On (in) the other hand, there's always Vodka.
My advice (?) may not be as beneficial as what you hear from Level_Head - but - if it got you to smile, it did what I was hoping it would.
Be good - drop a line sometime - The Lady, Anne
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I don't think that's it; I've written "realistic" fiction before, and it bores me to tears. On the whole, I can think of few stories I've read or written that couldn't be made more interesting with the presence of a werewolf or something similar. ;)
Also, I think it's a fallacy to associate fantasy with "lack of substance." There's a lot of substance in Tolkien, for instance -- moreso than in a lot of contemporary literature, in fact. The substance in a work has more to do with the craft, skill, and thoughtfulness of the writer, than with the subject matter.
I do try to do this, actually ... a lot of my long, rambly rants in my LiveJournal are half exercises in putting down something -- anything -- to keep the words flowing. :)
Johnny Be Good? :) I'll try. You too! ;)
-The Gneech
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I understand what you are going through.
There were times, and actually to point today, times that railroading, the thing I love besides lions, held no interset to me. Sure I have my H-O scale layou nad ohter RR stuff, but I haven't run the layou in a little over a year or so.
One of the reasins is because after "playing" with the 1:1 scale trains 1:87.1 doesn't hold the same "magic". What I mean in being behind the throttle of a real RDC and feeling, and hearing, the two Detroit Desiel 6-110's throttle up and start a 87 feet long car moving is worlds apart from twisting a knob on a power pack and hearing and watching a 12VDC motor get a 12" long car moving. You can imagine the roar of the engines and the feel of the car accelerating, but is not the same.
Another reason is boredom with the models, and another is plain tiredness in general.
THe last two may be part of your problem, as well as writer's block, which is also something I've been having of late.
All I can say is work at it a little bit at a time. Keep plugging, but don't burn yourself out.
Just know that we're "pulling" for you. :=3
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Curse you Camstone, Cougar and Nebulous (they got to play with/touch lion cubs). ;=3
I have a feeling that one day the three of us lions will get our chance. ;=3
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===|==============/ Level Head
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Date: 2002-12-08 04:38 pm (UTC)One of the other aspects of my depression is how it's affected the content. I've always been one for sub-plots and tossing in odd things to make the reader go one direction while the story took a hard turn to the other just to shake them up. Lately I've been finding that I have to re-read stuff that was written in the last chapter just to remember what I was doing.
Oh, and as for Faerie wings... According to Chalker, the dust is actually a mist from when they take a whiz. :P
Cheers
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Date: 2002-12-08 04:57 pm (UTC)My head is empty and I cannot seem to get myself to hear anything echoing in it the way it was but a mere month ago. Yet, I do not feel all that concerned about it. Don't know why. Perhaps it is because I expected something like this to happen and am willing to let it run its course.
None of this is helpful to you, but I wanted to say that I think I know something of what you mean here. I hope it goes away for both of us and soon. -FriskÄ
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Date: 2002-12-08 07:18 pm (UTC)Hmm. A little time off from things can help you get back into wanting to do something though. I know I didn't get to play D&D for over a month, and I'm really glad I had a chance to yesterday. You know, sometimes when I get to a point where I can't really feel good about continuing to do something artisticly, I try something ELSE to work on. For me, I've been drawing a lot lately, since I haven't felt like painting much. Should I paint? yeah. But I haven't.
Oh well. Not sure what to suggest, but maybe a small bit of time to relax could help ya. That and maybe a few kava kava pills.
--Rhan
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Date: 2002-12-08 07:51 pm (UTC)"Gawd, who cares?"
Date: 2002-12-08 11:23 pm (UTC)