Holly Jolly

Jingle, jingle, jingle
You will hear my sleigh bells ring
I am old Kris Kringle
I'm the King of Jingling

Jingle, jingle, reindeer
Through the frosty air they go
They are not just plain deer
They're the fastest deer I know (Ho! Ho!)

You must believe that on Christmas Eve
I won't pass you by
I'll dash away in my magic sleigh
Flying through the sky

Jingle, jingle, jingle
You will hear my sleigh bells ring
I am old Kris Kringle
I'm the King of Jingling (Ho! Ho!)

-The Gneech, c/o "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

Fictionlet

"Hmm," said Greg, staring at the screen of his laptop. "Ganymede, maybe?"

"Ganymede?" said Brigid.

"Zeus' cupbearer?" said Greg.

"Don't know him."

"Well, you know the gods lived on Olympus, right? Where they lived on ambrosia and nectar?"

"Yeah, vaguely. I haven't thought about them since high school."

"Well they had this chick named Hebe who would bring them their ambrosia and nectar; but one day she ran off with Hercules, so they needed a new cupbearer. Zeus spotted this teenage hottie by the name of Ganymede and decided he'd fit the bill perfectly, so he sent an eagle swooping down to Earth to bring Ganymede up to be his cupbearer and general sex-slave."

Brigid raised her eyebrows. "Zeus would boink teenage boys, would he?"

Greg shrugged. "Zeus would boink anything that wasn't nailed down, and a few things that were."

"Okay, so that's Ganymede," said Brigid. "What about him?"

"I was just trying to come up with a male analog to Lolita, and the only one I could think of really was Ganymede. He's the only notable male character I can remember offhand who has that whole 'creepy underage sex object' thing going on."

"Heh, yeah, I can see that," she said. "Ganymede works. But what I don't get is why you are expending so much brainpower to come up with a male analog to Lolita."

"Well, I was in Abercrombie and Fitch today, and--"

"Say no more," Brigid said.

-The Gneech

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