the_gneech | And Yo Momma, Too!

Maybe my dreams are trying to apologize for last week. In last night's episode...

Laurie and I were walking along in a neighborhood vaguely like The Fan in Richmond, except a little more suburban, and a little hillier, but still that same flavor of brownstone townhouses with tiny yards and cobblestone alleys. Any sort of old-town neighborhood will do for reference. Maybe it was Leesburg?

Anyway, we were across the street from Circle's accountant's house (I don't know how I know it was his house), when these four guys looking like Gap ad models come up to us. One of them, apparently the leader, has this big pleased-with-himself grin on his face, and the others just look vaguely menacing.

"Yes, you want something?" I say, and the leader takes a swing at me -- apparently, we're being mugged. One of the muggers is trying to grab Laurie's arms, and I'm not sure what the other two are doing.

Well, obviously, this won't do. Far from being intimidated, I'm a bit annoyed. Haven't these guys got something better to do with their time than to mug people who aren't carrying anything worth stealing anyway? What a bunch of morons. I sidestep the punch and return one of my own to his gut. He doubles over and I quickly get around behind him and wrap my arm around his neck, yanking his head back in a choke hold. Then I proceed to pound on his lower back and kidneys with several short but vicious punches.

He's no longer grinning, obviously -- in fact, he's more than a little distressed that what he apparently thought would be an easy mugging suddenly involves getting the crap beat out of himself. I let him blubber for mercy a few seconds, giving him a few extra punches for good measure, then say, "You want me to keep going?"

"No, no, no!" he whines.

"Tell your buddies to fuck off, then," I say, waving my head in the general direction of the two that Laurie is fighting off, and the third, who is just sorta standing there with his mouth hanging open at seeing his boss so quickly and thoroughly humiliated.

"Back off, back off, back off!" he shouts to his lackeys, who all back away to what I now realize is their car. It's a long, black fancy sedan (Cadillac type, maybe a Town Car? I dunno...), which seems to be driven by Hugh Hefner. (Dreams. Go fig.)

"Okay!" I shout to his lackeys, still maintaining my hold on the leader, "You guys get in your car."

"Do what he says!" the leader tells them, and they do.

"All right," I tell him, "now have your driver open the trunk." He doesn't have to, however ... Hugh heard, and opens the trunk. I lead my pathetic charge over to the car, shove him in the trunk, and slam it shut.

"All right," I shout to the occupants of the car. "Now all of you get out of here!"

With a squeal of tires, they speed away. I wonder for a minute if they might try to retaliate some way later, but I don't think they know who I am or anything about me, so they're not likely to be able to find me again, and even if they did, I'm not worried about anything these guys might try to throw at me.

And that's the end of the dream.

Beats driving off of elevated highways, anyhow. :)

-The Gneech, Mr. Tough Guy