A Random Recommendation

[the_gneech]

I know lots of people who have problems with, for lack of a better term, their "people skills." Lots and lots of such people. Having grown up as a mostly-solitary child, a badly-socialized adolescent, and an emotionally-fractured young adult, I understand these people very well, for I have been (and sometimes still am) one of them.

One thing my dad did right during my teenage years, however, was to get me to read the famous Dale Carnegie book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. I didn't want to read it, because the title has been the butt of so many jokes and spoofs and I felt kinda stigmatized by the idea that I didn't have any friends, but at the same time, well, I didn't have a lot of friends, and I did actually want to change that.

So, I read it. It originally came out in 1937, so there have been a lot of editions since then and there were a lot of dated references about traveling salesmen and so forth, but once I got past the "Aww, geeze, do I have to?" stage and started really reading the book, it made a huge difference, and for the better.

The main thing the book did was help me make a fundamental shift in my way of thinking about interpersonal relations -- taking the focus off of myself and what I wanted all the time, and putting it onto trying to understand and develop rapport with the other person. That is, to get into their shoes and try to see things from their point of view, and in so doing figure out how to get them what THEY wanted -- which would in turn give them a motivation to help me get what I wanted, turning it into a win-win situation.

It's amazing what a difference it makes. It hasn't made it so that I got along with everybody, alas ... but I still get along far better with more people now than I did then. All in all, it's an excellent and helpful book, and I recommend it to anybody who wants to get along better with the world. Best of all, just about every library in the universe has at least a handful of copies, since it's such a well-known and popular classic in the field, so it's easy to read for free.

-The Gneech, deliverer of unsolicited testimonials

Comments

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

Dale Carnegie is a genius. Did you know there is a professional class that focuses on the skills he expounds in his books? I would so love to take it!

My mom has been a TA twice for the classes, and offered to teach it. Too bad she didn't take to the lessons in self-confidence (the only part that didn't take, in fact).

The class is where she met her husband, too. :)

-=TK

[sporklord.livejournal.com]

Hmm... I think perhaps that this warrants checking out. Thanks!

[mooncat.livejournal.com]

I, too, lack people skills, big time. :)

Even if it only helps a little, a little is better than nothing, after all :).

deliverer of unsolicited testimonials

[lady-anne.livejournal.com]

Them's the best kind.

Thanks for the reminder - it's too easy to think it's everybody else who needs to change to get along with us.

A friend sent me this joke recently and it kind of makes the point (a bit obliquely, I admit).

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Stay good - The Lady, Anne

chiming in about Dale Carnegie...

[mammallamadevil.livejournal.com]

My dad has said some positive things about the books and lectures he's attended....but, my mom and dad inherently have always preached empathy along with doing for other people---versus being wrapped up in your own problems and to use a Forum reference "story".....it's nice to hear the intricate music of other people's lives intertwined with mine.....MLD

[level-head.livejournal.com]

I have said many times how favorably impressed I am with your handling of relationships with people, on your forums and in person.

Yes, the Dale Carnegie books are a bit dated -- but I'd say that there are even older books that can still offer useful information that applies to current life.

Best wishes, and may you succeed in your goals.

===|==============/ Level Head

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Well thanks! =) And heck, The Epic of Gilgamesh have useful insights that still apply, as long as folks are willing to listen. :)

-The Gneech

[level-head.livejournal.com]

It is ... flooded with them.

===|==============/ Level Head