Scratching the Creative Itch

[the_gneech]

Sometimes, there is just a fundamental disconnect between the creative urge, the idea generating machine, and the dictates of reality. As I mentioned yesterday, I've got a big ol' pile of crud to do today, and it's already 11:30. What have I accomplished? Exactly nil, unless you count eating breakfast.

What have I been doing instead? Sitting at my computer, staring at the screen, trying to accomodate a sudden and intense desire to work on my writing ... but I'm not getting anything done there, either, except to get frustrated at my dissatisfaction with the various ideas I've got floating around.

My writing methodology, for lack of a better term, tends to be that I have a germ of an idea, or more often an intriguing character, and I sit down and run with it for a while just to get things moving. Then, once I've got something that seems workable, I start working on building the rest of the story, revising what I have, coming up with more details, and so forth.

That method is not working at all for me, lately, tho. The idea generator has become a bit worn with overuse, I think, and is only producing half-baked ideas. When I send them back to cook a little longer, the idea generator responds, "What you see is what you get. Take it or leave it."

So I've been leaving it.

To some extent, I have lost the sense of "inner reality" for a lot of my writing, and I think that may be an unexpected casualty of the revision process. Once upon a time, I went over ideas in my head so much that what I wrote was more or less engraved in stone by the time it hit the paper, and that gave the parts that came next a solid foundation to rest on.

Now, with revision looming up over me as not only a possibility, but a necessity, suddenly everything's up for grabs, and no idea knows where it stands -- and so no idea is willing to risk development for fear that it will just be tossed out. Characters are afraid to step forward, on the grounds that I might completely alter their nature to fit the requirements of the plot, instead of altering the plot to fit their natures, and so forth.

This is part of the reason I was working so hard on creating a solid, specific world to set my stories in. If I know for a fact that Valthnar is at Point A, the Silver Tower is at Point B, and there are savage lizardmen at Point C directly between them, then if I decide to write about an expedition from Valthnar to the Silver Tower, that they'll have to deal with the savage lizardmen on the way ... not because I want to include savage lizardmen, but because that's what would happen. That sense of reality, is largely what I lose by having everything up for grabs at revision time.

In the words of Tim Powers, "the first draft is supposed to be crap." Revision should be an integral part of the life cycle of any story. But I need to develop a sense of kindness when it comes to my self-editing. Instead of thinking in terms of "This part is good, but this part could use a little work," I think, "This part is UTTER CRAP and ruins the whole story! Throw it out and start over!" And then I groan at all the work I just threw away.

The UTTER CRAP thought destroys all interest I have in a story, and once the interest is lost, it's very hard to regain the enthusiasm necessary to try to salvage the good parts. This is roughly what happened to NeverNever, and has happened to many other things I've worked on in the past. It's particularly tough to salvage something like NN, which was viewed by the public the moment it was thought up ... the stuff I think is utter crap, is probably some fan's favorite moment -- and the seeds of NN's fall go pretty far back into the story. I kept trying to run with NN for so long after the big mistakes were made, that it would almost be easier to just start over from scratch than to fix it. (Which I may do at some point, actually ... we'll just see how it goes.)

I live in a certain amount of paranoid fear of the moment this phenomenon strikes Suburban Jungle, too ... it's come dangerously close a few times already, but I've managed to steer things off in another direction before it happened. Part of the problem is that SJ is such a profoundly personal work, that I have had to deliberately avoid certain storylines that I wanted to do, because of how it might effect the real-world people around me ... and the SJ characters resent that. So far they've forgiven me, but I don't know how far their patience extends on that score.

And just for the record, lest anybody worry about my grasp on reality, I am speaking metaphorically here.

Oh well, that's enough of that. The big ol' pile of crud isn't getting any smaller with me sitting here griping about my writing ... but I do at least feel a little better for having got this stuff out of my head and onto the screen, so I'll consider that an accomplishment and move on.

-The Gneech

Comments

[level-head.livejournal.com]

It would be interesting to see your list of "utter crap" aspects of Never Never.

Perhaps a regroup could be constructed -- a "Never, Never Again" of sorts.

As you well know, some of the exercises in "Creativity Rules" specifically deal with the effect you are experiencing. And some of them are just -- exercises.

When speaking among friends, you can avoid feeling compelled to explain the difference between treating fictional creations as real life, and being unable to discern the distinction.

After all, what's a meta phor?

===|==============/ Level Head

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

NeverNever took its first major wrong turn here (http://www.mopsy.com/d/19990611.html) and just kept getting further and further off course from there. Some of it was because I was starting to get quite far into my depression at that stage, and you can see that bitterness in a lot of the character interactions. It did get back closer to where I wanted to go with the "Bristle vs. the Dragon" storyline after that, but once that was done, I was just completely out of energy. -TG

Re:

[level-head.livejournal.com]

Interesting that you chose that particular scene -- Mopsy and Beowulf's little discussion -- and not the following day which seems to "officially" launch the Summer Camp story arc.

Little that you do in this arena seems "accidental" to me, and sometimes even your accidents are illuminating.

I would like to know, if you feel like telling, why the choice of the "Arthur really should be told" conversation as opposed to the "I KNOW I'm gonna hate summer camp" feeling of the following strip.

The first conversation was quiet, thoughtful, had the requisite "twist" at the end, and could have led anywhere.

???

===|==============/ Level Head

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Well, as soon as it was established that Arthur had to be told, and the sooner the better, it became inevitable that the strip's "innocence" would be lost.

Arthur, as just a kid, can have an infinite number of "just a kid" type experiences. The moment Arthur becomes Pendragon, his fate is sealed, and his life becomes a lot more serious.

Arthur finding out that he's the Pendragon, and therefore doomed to have a very difficult life at best, is the death knell for a happy, light fantasy comic. It's okay for Beowulf and Mopsy to be concerned with the topic ... they are adults, after all, and adults have to deal with such things. But the core of Arthur's character was his naivete, even when his potential was hinted at.

One of the key aspects of NeverNever's charm was its "tempest in a teapot" nature. Once that is replaced with genuine threats and what for lack of a better term I'd call "real" drama, it becomes something else entirely.

NN should be happy, silly, and whimsical. Arthur's Dad swatting Beowulf with the newspaper -- that is what NN should be. The further away from that baseline the strip goes, the more wrong it is. But when I was mired in depression, "happy, silly, and whimsical" were utterly not what I had in me to create. So to some extent, NN was largely a victim of bad timing.

The reason I commented before about CardCaptor Sakura potentially rejuvenating NN, is because the first half of the series has that same feeling of innocence that I wanted to capture with NN, and so I've been studying CCS, to some extent, to find where that feeling of innocence comes from.

The problem is that, as people have observed since the beginning of time, once innocence is lost, it's mighty mighty difficult to recover.

-The Gneech

[level-head.livejournal.com]

What you've lost
at what a cost
is
in a sense
innocense.

But what you gain
and will remain
is
as a spear rents
experience.


Unslash the spear
Reclaim "naieve".
You still have cards
left up your sleeve.

===|==============/ Level Head

Never Never Lose Your Innocense ;)

[kelloggs2066.livejournal.com]

Heya,

I consider it out of my place to advise on how to write or what to write.

However, I have to disagree that the loss of innocense is inevitable. To me, the innocense isn't something that gets lost, stolen or robbed. It's something that is given up, voluntarily, usually much to the sorrow of the giver.

Now, sure, life can make it pretty darn tough for a person to maintain their innocense. But the act of giving up naivite is a surrender.

To me, if Arthur really *is* the Pendragon, then we still have room for hope.

A) For one thing, being the Pendragon embues him with certain qualities and characteristics that make him worthy to Be the Pendragon. King Arthur never gave in to dispair until he was dying.

B) Yes, there's always the curse of the Pendragons, but as with every curse, there's always the hope of being the one person who can break that curse.

C) Arthur's a kid. Kids believe they're invincible, even if they clearly aren't. Weither or not the world around him believes Arthur can break the curse is one thing. Weither or not *he* believes it is another.

D) Even if Arthur does get depressed by his prospects of living happily ever after, I'd point out: He's THE Pendragon. That means somewhere down inside the boy is the ability to become a true, honest and faultless leader of men. Facing up to his responsibilities means that everyone is counting on him. That means, keeping a brave face in the teeth of the storm.

Okay, now for the totally out of line part: Consider the following dialog, just after Beowulf has finally told him that it's all true and the Vorlon says it'll all end in fire.

Arthur (Thinking), Beowulf sits nearby looking forlorn under a darkening angry red sky.
"So, maybe it's true.
So, maybe I am the Pendragon.
So, maybe Pendragons always end up dead.
So, maybe there won't be a happily ever after.

But, IF I am the Pendragon, then not only is *everyone*
counting on me, everyone is counting on *me*.

And, *I'm* not going to let them down by letting them think
we'll doomed to lose."

Arthur: (shouting) "Hey, Beowulf!"
Beowulf: (startled out of his funk) "What is it?"

Arthur: (pointing to a splotch of dancing lights) "Look! Fireflies!"

Arthur: (running) "Let's catch some!"
Beowulf: (surprised, in awe) "Yes, Your Majesty!"

I really don't think you've written yourself into a corner. If you took it this way, it becomes a case where Arthur's character evolves, from being a kid, into a kid who's still a kid, but wiser than his years, but still a kid, who outwardly refuses to grow up, even as a little part of his mind knows has.

I think there are a lot of people who inwardly or outwardly are still kids, even if they've grown up, gotten married and had kids of their own like (your) Jenny's mom. She may be a grownup, but she still has enough innocent faith to believe in faeries (and maybe even happy endings if we're lucky enough!)

I don't think Arthur is capable of less.

That being said, I've just now broken one of my own private rules: giving unsolicited advice to a creative genius about how *I'd* do it if I were him. Well, I'm not you. You can do *anything* you can *imagine* with the characters, and I'm sure you'll do it well.

So, please don't take my suggestions for Kibitzing, or God forbid, criticism! I just don't think you've written yourself into as tight a corner as you think you have, and I have faith that you'll find a way out of it, and probably a much better way than I have suggested.

Sincerely,

Scott

Re: Never Never Lose Your Innocense ;)

[jamesbarrett.livejournal.com]

He's right. I'm still a kid and you know me. "nuff said there. -Frisk

Re: Never Never Lose Your Innocense ;)

[level-head.livejournal.com]

Hey! Speaking as a person who can diagram the luciferin/luciferase interactions that produce the glow in a lightning bug (technically a beetle) hind end, I must still say:

"Oooh! Fireflies! Cool! Let's go catch some!"

This growing up business should be strictly limited, I say.

===|=="===*===.==·='=/ Level Head (with fireflies on his sword, and his mind)

Re: Never Never Lose Your Innocense ;)

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

It's not Arthur's innocence specifically that's the problem ... it's that of the strip as a whole. It became too heavy. -TG

Re: Never Never Lose Your Innocense ;)

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

D) Even if Arthur does get depressed by his prospects of living happily ever after, I'd point out: He's THE Pendragon. That means somewhere down inside the boy is the ability to become a true, honest and faultless leader of men. Facing up to his responsibilities means that everyone is counting on him. That means, keeping a brave face in the teeth of the storm.

Why should wisdom be the counter to innocence?

"Now, O Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties." -- I Kings 3.7

This is a messianic prophecy, but the Pendragon can be viewed alternately as a Messiah as well:

"The wolf will live with the lamb,
the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling [1] together;
and a little child will lead them.
The cow will feed with the bear,
their young will lie down together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox.
The infant will play near the hole of the cobra,
and the young child put his hand into the viper's nest.
They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,
for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord
as the waters cover the sea." -- Isaiah 11.6-9

The character of innocence is not lost through the Pendragon. Rather, it should be regained. :)

And what better thing to say Arthur MUST remain innocent to satisfy his role as the Pendragon than this:

"At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, 'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?'
He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'" -- Matthew 18.1-4

I use these both because they're great passages, but also because the Arthur legend is heavily tied up in European Messianic mythology. While Merlin was a powerful pagan warlock, Arthur was reportedly a devout Christian (as was required of all kings in medieval Europe for their coronation). Take what you will from them.

Either way, I greatly enjoyed Never Never, from it's slapstick character, to the messes Arthur continually got into. And I still want to know how he gets away from the Black Kahnighut.

Long talk about writing

[jamesbarrett.livejournal.com]

I would prefer it if my characters would start skirting that edge with me instead of what they are doing. Which isn't a whole lot of anything. So you don't need to worry about us thinking your crazy on that point. Some of us (Me) would like to be that crazy at times.

I do understand what you're saying here, only, for me, it kept me from writing anything at all. I would take my idea, try to figure something out about it and get nowhere. How do you get to the point where you know more than "he's a wizard, lacks confidence, is going to see the council, gets in trouble along the way, meets girl who inspires him to be confident, gets girl, confidence and wizard status at end". The details between many of these thoughts are lacking and I keep not thinking of them. :P

Lately, I've been feeling that I'm just stalling. I junk log cause it's fun and entertaining and it makes me feel like I am writing, but it is really only a journal I keep where I discuss with myself how I feel about writing. Is it real writing, though? What am I getting out of it, aside from knowing I am putting some kind of words on the page on a mostly daily basis?

Where are the stories I can still hear echo in my head from time to time? How do I coax them out and get them written? These are the things I am still working on. These are the questions that have been plaguing me in my junk log of late.

I realize I seem to have gone off on a tangent here, but I felt the need to express this and here was as good a place as any. -Frisk

Re: Long talk about writing

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Well, it was a vital and necessary exercise at the time ... it sounds like you're getting ready to move on to the next stage, now. -TG

Re: Long talk about writing

[jamesbarrett.livejournal.com]

Oh, goody! -Frisk

Re: Long talk about writing

[murrrmaiyd.livejournal.com]

I end up in the same boat here...I can develop the characters' personalities, the world, and synopsize the events of the story, but have a heck of a time filling in the details. Occaisionally I'll hit a good patch and write a whole scene in great detail, but then can't get past it....it has me thinking of starting out in terms of short stories...I seem to have less trouble with small bits.

Mur

Re: Long talk about writing

[jamesbarrett.livejournal.com]

I have no trouble thinking large at all. It's filling in the holes that thinking that large created that gives me the fits. -Frisk

[katayamma.livejournal.com]

Just out of curiosity, how much time did you spend writing about how uncreative you've been?

I know that there are times when one is unenthused to work on something and I also have the same "I owe it to the reader's" ethic that you do too. However I also realize that sometimes you just can't produce on demand. Everyone takes breaks from reality. Maybe what you need is a complete break from SJ for a while or maybe throw a monkey wrench into the works such as has never been seen before. I don't know. Only you can ultimately figure out what's going to work for you.

I would like to make one suggestion. Go find a park somewhere and just spend an afternoon there alone watching things. Don't worry about the strip, your writing, your sucky-assed job, or any of that stuff. Just sit, watch life pass by and take it in. It's spring time, dude. Go out and let a little bit of that revitalizing energy give you a boost. If nothing else, it'll give you a DIFFERENT break then what you're used to.

*hugs*

[level-head.livejournal.com]

Katayamma-san is wise, and I second his suggestion.

===|="====.=====*==/ Level Head

Re:

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Hmm ... I'll pencil in a break like that next week some time, assuming I get a day off... ;P

Seriously tho, I have been making a point of adding more "unstructured, unbusy, deliberately nonproductive" time into my work habits ... time spent just enjoying whatever, and it has helped. :) -TG

[jamesbarrett.livejournal.com]

I'm striving in the other direction. I feel the need for more productive moments in mine. I have loads a unstructured, unbusy, unproductive time in my daily life as it is. You can have some of mine, so long as I can have the structured, productive ones in their place. -Friskd

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

Mine, too. *Sends Gneech a clock*

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Meow? -TG