Fadda's Day

[the_gneech]

We took my dad out to Matsutake for Father's Day. It was an expensive trip, but I've got a little extra money on hand and I wanted to splurge. I am keenly aware of my father's mortality these days -- he's 79 and bending more and more into a permanent S-shape all the time. It's hard to believe that this shuffling little cricket is the same guy who was once my big, brawny father. And he's while always been a clown, any more it's getting harder to tell when he's yanking your chain, and when he's actually being dotty.

My dad is the ultimate in reserve -- happy, sad, scared, angry, he keeps everything to himself; most of the time all you'll get out of him when you ask a question is an evasive, noncommittal, or just plain absurd answer. While it's charming and witty, it can also be very frustrating, because you never know what he really thinks about anything. In every conversation, on every issue, even on where he'd like to go for Father's Day, dad abstains.

My parents are like yin and yang in that respect -- my mom is wantonly garrulous, to the point where people's eyes glaze over the moment she opens her mouth because you know she's not actually going to say anything for about 15 minutes. My dad generally just points her at people and says, "Go!" then sits in a corner amusing himself while she runs conversational interference. For the outside world, it suits them as a couple, but it wreaks havoc on a father/son relationship because when mom's around, dad isn't, even if he's sitting right next to you. Is this the source of Tiffany and Conrad's absentee dads? I dunno, I suppose it could be.

I do love my dad, and I'm making an effort to spend time with him while I still can. He's going to be even more gone than he always is soon, and that's not going to be an easy thing for me.

-The Gneech

Comments

[thirdhorse.livejournal.com]

Maybe you should start asking your dad absurd questions? Yes I am serious. Some people were raised not to show any emotions to anyone. Spending what time you can with your parents, that is the important thing.

I know even though we saw it coming, the roughest time in my life was when we lost mom.

[kamau-d-lyon.livejournal.com]

*Big Nod*
Yup, spend the time you can while you can. Like you said the time is coming when that won't be an option. One of the reasons I try to get to see my Dad at least once a week at present.

[usagiweaver.livejournal.com]

Gee... just when I thought I made it through Father's Day unscathed I read your entry and get all misty eyed. Y'see, my dad's been gone for a long time. Usually it's seeing some piece of art he'd like or thinking about how he isn't around to know my kids that does it.

Damn you, Gneech!

Anyway... on to something more cheerful... go-quiz.com thinks you're my one of my bestest LJ friend -

the_gneech & usagiweaver

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[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Sorry! Maybe a bunch of kittens would make you feel better?



-The Gneech

[praeriedog.livejournal.com]

      That sucks. I remember your dad when he was the big guy you talk of. I kind of know what you're talking about. Just before I moved to Florida, my mom used to call my brother and I a lot and tell us how bad of my grandpa was, and how any day he'd be gone. I guess it was her way of dealing with it. Because when you took me over to the homeless shelter to get my stuff and then my dad drove up from Florida to pick me up and take me back with him, I got to see how things really were. He wasn't exactly "going to die any day", but he was really bad off. He had to have this bag attached to his stomach emptied twice a day, and he could only drink 12 ounces of liquid a day, and he shuffled around and barely talked. I wasn't sure he was even really there. But the most startling thing was, the big, tough master sargeant I remember was gone, replaced by this really weak old man who was now smaller than I was! I didn't know how to deal with that, so I didn't. I didn't talk to him, and I didn't spend time with him. I wish I had. A friend of the family was at the hospital the night before he died, and she said he came back, for about five minutes, he was all there, his mind, his energy, everything. And I missed it.

      But, as far as your dad, like others have said, try to spend what time you can with him, because once it's gone, it's gone.