Deep Thoughts

[the_gneech]

Snagged from softpaw...

• I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
  
  
• When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  
  
• An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  
  
• If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said: "Quit while you're ahead?"
  
  
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  
  
• Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
  
  
• Some people are like Slinkies .... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  
  
• Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  
  
• Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  
  
• All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  
  
• Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars while a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
  
  
• In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  
  
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

-The Gneech

Comments

[jim-lane.livejournal.com]

Sad how many of those actually make sense---

[kylet.livejournal.com]

Especially the Slinky one XD

[jim-lane.livejournal.com]

Indeed. That one has always been on the top of my list...

[softpaw.livejournal.com]

Wwoooo I have had something snagged by the gneech! *grins*

[dermotmacflann.livejournal.com]

Astronauts can speak with ground control clearly, but we can't understand fast food drivethrough speakers.

Losing

[tiger-claw.livejournal.com]

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."

TC 8)

Re: Losing

[exatron.livejournal.com]

I though it was "If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents."

Re: Losing

[hossblacksilver.livejournal.com]

No, it's "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you."

[athelind.livejournal.com]

If you build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. If you set him on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

[exatron.livejournal.com]

I always loved that one. Somewhere my sister has a list with similarly twisted quotes. I'll have to ask her where it is once she's done with the new Harry Potter book.

[panthras.livejournal.com]

As the Stereophonics record went...

"It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, it only takes one match to burn a thousand trees"

Sorry 'bout that, just the last one on your list reminded me of that kick-ass song ^^

Some of those do actually make sense though XD

Pan

[the-mcp.livejournal.com]

"Matching" nuts and bolts... don't.

[shooterroo.livejournal.com]

Whoa... 60's flashback!!

I like all of these and think each has more than a grain of truth!

[c-eagle.livejournal.com]

*eeeeps and ulps at the freaky-scary list!*