Fictionlet

[the_gneech]

Greg struck a wild, exaggerated martial arts pose, one hand high over his head, the other brandishing a men's safety razor. "New! From Gillette!" he said dramatically. "The X-17 -- a little number we like to call ... The Widowmaker!"

Brigid stood in the hall and blinked at him, struggling to keep at least one eye open against the malicious morning glare. She didn't bother to say anything, though. What would be the point?

"Some razors have two blades; others have three. A few have four! But X-17, The Widowmaker, blows them all away with an unprecedented SEVENTEEN BLADES!" He shook his hands violently, making cheesy thunderclap noises. "You may not think it was possible, but we did it! That's X-17, The Widowmaker, new from Gillette! The man's razor that BLASTS your face smooth!" More thunder noises.

Brigid blinked at him, wordlessly. He began to look around, sheepishly, still standing in the martial arts pose.

A moment passed.

A moment later, another one passed.

Finally, Greg slunk back off to the bathroom, and Brigid let her eyes squeeze mostly shut again and continued towards the kitchen for her breakfast.

-The Gneech

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Comments

[laurie-robey.livejournal.com]

The thing is, that's only a slight exaggeration.

[tchall.livejournal.com]

(said in best Frank Nelson style> And ooooooooo, is Greg's face smoooooooooth! :D

[kylet.livejournal.com]

Hee hee! XD Awwww, Brigid's finally learned saying nothing is the safest route now? ;-)

[dhlawrence.livejournal.com]

Bet it won't last ;)

[exatron.livejournal.com]

Either that or she isn't coherent enough to respond. After all, it is morning in this story and she hasn't even had breakfast yet.

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

That early in the morning, Brigid looks at Greg like a patch of bad weather. Best thing to do is just ride it out!

-The Gneech

[frustratedpilot]

Mad magazine at least one did a very good parody of shavers by attempting to invent even more outlandish razor devices (The Cryoshaver that froze whiskers and then they would shatter off your face; Laser-beam shavers, pluckers that also applied depilatories, etc.). Great fun. And unfortunately, hideously prophetic.

In the meantime, I broke the handle of my Schick Tracer last month. I would rather just buy a handle of the same type than that four-blade monstrosity that Schick sells now. But now that they're making two-head DISPOSABLE shavers, I guess they feel there isn't a point in selling REUSABLE shavers with only two blades.

And don't get me started on those stupid lubrication strips or the aloe-fortified shaving cream they sell these days (it's like putting Styrofoam on your face!).

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

I remember that issue!

-The Gneech

[hossblacksilver.livejournal.com]

Sorry Bossman, but SNL beat you to that joke a good number of years back. I think theirs was sixteen blades though. The commercial went through how each blade worked and one or two didn't actually cut, just whipped by close enough to set up the whisker for the next blade.

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Well the bazillion blades joke is an old one, yes. The real gag was that the razor was called The Widowmaker. ;)

-The Gneech

[confusedoo.livejournal.com]

The first three blades give you the closest shave ever, the next ten gently lift and flay your skin. It's the final serrated blade that ensures your wife will be collecting on your insurance policy.

[huskyteer.livejournal.com]

I saw an ad in the cinema that played on this very concept a couple of weeks ago, with a 15-bladed razor. Can't remember which company it was for, though.