Fictionlet

[the_gneech]

"I am not going to any family reunion without a man wrapped around my elbow; I don't care if he's really my boyfriend or not," Brigid said. "Not until Aunt Edna's firmly planted, anyway."

Greg furrowed his brow, as if reading an obscure text without footnotes. "Aunt Edna?"

"My mother's mother's sister," Brigid said. "Basically, my Aunt Edna's older than space, and convinced that any woman who isn't married -- or at least firmly attached -- by, say, twenty, must be a lesbian, no matter what they say."

"So what's wrong with that?" said Greg. "Let her think you're a lesbian, what's it going to hurt?"

"Are you crazy?" Brigid demanded. "I'm not going to go around being the family's pet lesbian! All my aunts would be getting their friends to send 'round their family's pet lesbians to hook me up!"

Greg raised his eyebrows and smothered a giggle.

"Don't laugh, they would!" Brigid said. "And even if most of them are just misunderstood singles like me, I imagine a fair number are bona fide lesbians, which I don't have to tell you would be awkward as hell."

Greg smirked. "You heartbreaker, you!"

"Get knotted."

"Too bad they're not evangelical -- you could go through a miraculous cure and make everybody happy."

"Ha!" said Brigid. "Not likely. Good New Englander liberals? The only thing that would make them happier than a pet lesbian in the family would be if I married a black playwright."

"So, Arthur, pretty much. Maybe you should get him to go."

Brigid frowned. "I tried. He told me to get knotted."

-The Gneech

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Comments

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

Ha! There was an additional level of humor to this since I was just watching "Creature Comforts" clips on YouTube before I found this posted. So I read the whole think in a sort of yorkish accent.

Do you have any idea how funny it is to hear someone say "get knotted" in a British accent?

Have the best

-=TK

[annechen-melo.livejournal.com]

This is the reason I kept showing up in the "dress punk" uniform to the viewings at funeral homes Mama kept dragging me to in college, just to keep from being set up with any of the great-aunts' friends' spawn.

I suppose Brigid could keep trotting out Greg as "this year's model" for some time.

lipstick vogue

[wbwolf.livejournal.com]

So, Buddy Holly glasses, a nice suit, skinny tie and posing behind a camera?

Re: lipstick vogue

[kinkyturtle.livejournal.com]

But what if he doesn't want to go to Chelsea?

[oceansedge.livejournal.com]

Gah... I wanna be Brigid when I grow up, or marry Greg, or be their bestest friend..

[the-sedgwicks.livejournal.com]

Loved it. Charles spent about 5 minutes snickering at it. He says that Brigid should just bring a female friend instead. She can be the cherished pet lesbian, and still not be single. And she wouldn't need to say a word.