"Okay, Then Just a Sweet Roll By Itself, Then..."

[the_gneech]

This NIMH site is sitting on my head and crushing it. The Project Director and client want to track a piece of data -- okay, that's fine -- but they don't want to alter the database to do it.

Um.

That's where data goes, folks, in the database!

I like to put it this way: If you tell a computer that 2+2=4, then the computer knows "2+2=4" and when you say, "What is 2+2?" the computer says, "4." If you then say, "Good! What is 2+3?" the computer blinks at you and says, "What's a 3?" But the client doesn't want to tell the computer what a 3 is, because that takes time and the site is supposed to go live tomorrow.

So they keep trying to get us in I.T. to come up with ways to get the computer to say "2+3=5" without telling it what "3" is. They keep trying variation after variation, and the answer keeps being, "No, that doesn't work, because the computer doesn't know what 3 is!"

It sorta reminds me of the old routine off of The Electric Company:

OLDGEEZER: I'd like coffee and a sweet roll.

WAITRESS: We're out of sweet rolls.

OLDGEEZER: Okay, then I'd like tea and a sweet roll.

WAITRESS: We're out of sweet rolls.

OLDGEEZER: Well how about orange juice and a sweet roll?

WAITRESS: We're out of sweet rolls!

OLDGEEZER: Then just give me milk and a sweet roll.

WAITRESS: We! Are out! Of sweet rolls!

OLDGEEZER: In that case, make it cocoa and a sweet roll.

WAITRESS: AAAAAAARGGGHHH!!! *runs out the door, slamming it behind her*

OLDGEEZER: On second thought, just give me some toast.

-The Gneech <-- prefers blueberry muffins

Comments

[shockwave77598.livejournal.com]

They don't wish to Alter the DB, or do they not want to access it? Seems you would have no choice to access the database to find the data they want to track.

Reminds me of the guy groping on the floor of the diner for a lost contact when he lost it in the library just because the light was better in the diner.

[shockwave77598.livejournal.com]

A simple solution is to simply duplicate the original database and do all the work you have to do on the copy. If you create a script to make a copy of the "holy" database then nothing you do to the database will hurt the real data even if everything should go wrong and the file become horribly corrupted. Of course, this means no data entered since the last duplication will be available to your program, but if that's acceptable to them then a simple script to copy the database every 2am so you have a working file may solve your problem.

You owe the oracle a sweet roll.

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

No, it's not that they don't want us to change data ... that happens on an ongoing basis. It's that they don't want to add another field, which would have to be added to all the records in the database.

-The Gneech

[shockwave77598.livejournal.com]

How about a parallel database with the same Index number in one field and the additional data field after that? This way a lookup with your new code requires two accesses, but legacy code will still run and no recompiling of the database is required.

Example:
USERNUMBER / DATAFIELD1 / DATAFIELD SPARE
123456 Annoying scabs on back of scalp.

From the first lookup of the original database, you get the usernumber. You then use that to pull up the new and extended data from the second database.

Geez, I must really want that sweet roll :)

Programmer's secrets

[dragonpearl.livejournal.com]

I might get hunted down and killed for telling you this but most programmers try and figure out what the customer may want in the future and end up sicking it in the code and then commenting it out. So when they do ask the programmers say, "Sure, but for a small fee" and then go in and take the comment out. :)

Good luck getting them to see the light. :)

Re: Programmer's secrets

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Well, this isn't a situation like that. This thing they're requesting is so silly that no programmer would think of doing it. "And WHAT, precisely, is the point of THAT?" would be the response of a well-ordered mind. :)

-The Gneech