Fictionlet

"Mary Lou Retton," Greg said.

"What?" said Brigid.

"Mary Lou Retton," Greg said.

"What (she said, feeling that she'd probably rather not know) about Mary Lou Retton?" Brigid asked.

"Hmm?"

"What about her?"

"Oh!" said Greg. "Nothing really. I just like the sound of her name. It's an aesthetically-pleasing phrase. 'Maaaary Lou Retton'! Bum-ba-bum, BUM-BUM! You could render it in iambic pentameter."

"Shut the hell up, you bloody looney," Brigid said.

"Well excuse the heck out of me," Greg said.

"No, no," said Brigid, "I wasn't saying that to you. It's just an aesthetically-pleasing phrase."

-The Gneech

<-- previous B&G
next B&G -->

EDIT: Clarified a line a bit (I hope) per comments.

Open Letter to Steve Martin

John "The Gneech" Robey
Herndon, VA
June 7, 2007

Steve Martin
P.O. Box 929
Beverly Hills, CA, 90213

Dear Mr. Martin,

I enjoy your work tremendously. Nobody growing up in the '70s and '80s such as myself could have failed to hear of you of course, during the days when you had an arrow through your head and sang about King Tut all the time. But truth to be told I didn't pay much attention to you until Roxanne and L.A. Story, both of which I enjoyed from start to finish and continue to watch often. (I am looking forward to getting the anniversary edition of L.A. Story so I can finally see John Lithgow's scenes.) After that I discovered Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (somewhat late, I realize), and have been a fan ever since.

However, what actually prompted me to write was that I just read Pure Drivel and wanted you to know that I laughed so hard, I broke all my furniture. I'm pretty sure I received several funny looks when I cracked up about the "Hey You Bub Institute".

I am a humorist (primarily in webcomics) and a writer myself, and hope that someday you might write an introduction to one of my books ... or failing that, that I might write an introduction to one of yours. Until that happy day comes, however, I'll simply close this letter with a thank you for all your fine work.

Thank you!

Sincerely,
John "The Gneech" Robey

PS: "I laughed so hard, I broke all my furniture!" is not actually my line, I stole it from Robert Loren Fleming. However, as I'm not copying him on this letter, I don't think he's likely to object.

From the Mouths of Dudes

graveyardgreg: Gneech! Your letter to Steve Martin will DESTROY US ALL!

the_gneech: You can't make an omelet without breaking the universe.

graveyardgreg: Actually...you can.

the_gneech: Well, maybe. But it won't taste very good.

graveyardgreg: Those comets add extra flavor, huh?

the_gneech: Right- and left-quarks add that extra Zing!

graveyardgreg: Zing!

the_gneech: ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzziiiiiinnnnnggggGGGggGGgggg!

graveyardgreg: This just in: Gneech needs more Zing!

the_gneech: Mmm, zing.

-The Gneech

Do You Talk to Your Mother With That Mouth?

Yet another reason to hate cellphones (as if we didn't have enough already): clandestine half-whispered conversations in the men's room. It would be merely annoying, except for the nonstop spew of profanity involved. What do you do, hold it all in so you can maintain a professional face, then call your girlfriend (although I can't imagine calling a "friend" those names) and let it all out in the men's room when you think nobody can hear you?

Gah. I want away from these people. -.-

-The Gneech

Politics

From the Greek poly- meaning "many" and English ticks, "blood-sucking insects."

Actually, I stole that from James Carville, proving that he knows his business. ;P

Anyway, LiveJournal has this little feature called "friendsfriends," where you can view all of your friends' friends lists, sans any mutual ones you may have. To see it, all you do is go to your friends list and add "friends" to the end of the URL. Thus, my friends page is http://the-gneech.livejournal.com/friends, and my friendsfriends page is http://the-gneech.livejournal.com/friendsfriends.

I pop on there every once in a while out of curiosity or to find interesting communities; today I was quite discouraged to find that apparently almost all of my friends' friends are political rants from either the right or the left, with all the pointless chaff you would expect from same. Some are communities, some are simply individual posters, but all are repeating the same malarkey you can easily find on any talk radio show, newspaper op-ed, or other source of punditry.

I did find a Sinfest RSS feed, tho, so it wasn't a total disappointment. :)

-The Gneech