i've used it all up

[the_gneech]

EDIT: The following is the sort of thing my mind goes through during one of my mood crashes; writing it was therapeutic for me at the time, I figure reading it might be so for someone else.

i've used it all up
there is no more there
it just doesn't matter
i just don't care

it never ends
there's always more
what was once a joy
is now a chore

i pushed the stone
to the top of the hill
it just rolled back down
it just makes me ill

i struggled and fought
and i planned and then
after all that effort
i'm back here again

i feel as if
i'm under a curse
i try to improve things
and it makes them worse

but i take a deep breath
and i ride it through
and i wait it out
and i start out new

because i've often observed
watching various lives
that often he who wins
is the one who survives

so i keep on going
i don't have to care
i just have to continue
and hope that time will repair

Comments

A little help from a friend?

[jamesbarrett.livejournal.com]

Before I followed the link and discovered a poem hiding here, my first thought was, "I don't write poetry either. Poetry grabs me by the scruff of my neck and screams, "write me NOW!" in my face until I comply"

Looking this one over, I wouldn't be surprised if this one had done the same thing to you. I've been feeling that way too, of late, although nowhere near the same intensity as you. All I've done is trip. The fall was short, I'm just slightly bruised, but I know I'll be ok. I think I can see you down there. I'd throw you a rope if I had one.

Perhaps repeating the 2nd half of my mantra would help. Let go and Jump. Oh, wait. You already have. Sorry. I cast feather fall on you instead. Let me know when you reach the bottom so I can cast Spider climb on you then. That'll get ya back up here. -Frisk'

Re: A little help from a friend?

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

I don't wanna jump! There's rocks at the bottom! ;) -TG

Re: A little help from a friend?

[jamesbarrett.livejournal.com]

The rocks are merely illusion, your fear created them. Let go, I say, and jump. You'll find it is not the tall cliffside you believe and there are no sharp rocks. ;) -Frisk

Re: A little help from a friend?

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

Aack! Illusory rocks! -TG

*hug* *hug* *hug*

[chipuni.livejournal.com]

*broad hug*

You have granted so much joy to so many lives, Gneech. Your comics have made me smile so many times. You've given us laughter, and brought many personalities into our lives.

If I could give some of my slack to you, I would.

You deserve more than just surviving, and hoping that time will repair. You've given the world a lot, and I hope that the gift will come back to you with interest.

Re: *hug* *hug* *hug*

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I should have put some context on there, but it was late and I wasn't thinking. This poem is, more than anything, a description of what got me through the worst of my depression, and to a lesser degree what I go through to get myself through a mood crash. I am actually doing very well compared to this time last year for instance.

The hugs are always welcome, tho. :) *hughughug* -TG

[tygermoonfoxx.livejournal.com]

Nicely written...I printed it out and put it with my poster of the poem "Don't Quit". You have a gift with words and a gift with art that touches many lives. That's something you can use as a lever for that big ole rock.

It's a shame suffering seems to go hand in hand with talent. Whoever wrote the bit about suffering for your art needed attacked with a thousand clowns making weiner dog balloons.

*HUG* You don't know me, but you made the difference. There have been times when SJ was the ONLY reason I made myself get up in the morning, just so I could look at it. I'm glad I made the effort.

[the-gneech.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you. :) -TG

[torakiyoshi.livejournal.com]

Simple, clear, with jsut the right depth of word choice. It's not bad poetry at all. Now if *I* were to try to write a poem, you'd see why I say that. ;) But this isn't about me.

The poem is from your heart. That makes it good.